How to befriend a shy introvert

Alatheia Luna of AwakeningPeople.com writes:

With some people, making friends is comparable to playing a strategic chess game. The normal meet-and-greet, sit and eat rules don’t apply until you pass the first barrier: shyness.​Ever wondered why the shy, reserved kids in class were always the least popular?

Perhaps even the most outcasted? The truth is, in the Western world, quietness has never been seen as a virtue.
​
Instead, it’s perceived as a strange, unfriendly phenomena, and frequently misunderstood as being cold and aloof. It seems that most people just don’t seem to be up to the challenge of befriending and gaining the trust of a shy introverted person.

Our world is about quick fixes, instant gratification and speedy convenience. The shy introvert doesn’t deliver that. But for those who have glimpsed the pearl inside the oyster, the shy introvert is the source of intrigue and fascination, but also frustration. How is it possible to befriend such an insular, secretive and quietly mysterious type?

​Below you will find some tips, tricks, and do’s and don’t’s from the perspective of a shy introvert.

Befriending the Shy Introvert The shy introvert is typically a loyal, thoughtful and worthy friend. Whether you’re pursuing a friendship with them to either develop a romance or gain a companion there are a few things you should know first.

The shy introvert can be understood as a highly reserved person who shows signs of sensitivity, cautiousness, distrust, fear and timidity in social situations. This can be for a number of reasons, for instance; upbringing, environment, culture, or genetic disposition. Yet it’s a great error to assume that because the shy introvert is not friendly, open, or willing to talk to you at length that they are:

1# Uninterested or indifferent.
2# Disliking of you.
3# Boring, dull, or rude.

In fact, many shy introverts harbour secret desires to know and be known, yet lack the confidence and skills to do so. This is not to say that they don’t try. As a shy introvert in school I managed to befriend multiple shy people, including a painfully shy schizophrenic girl who barely moved or blinked when you talked to her, out of fear.

1 April, 2014 ; Filed Under: community

Is there an introvert in your life who you just don’t “get”? Then on behalf of introverts everywhere, I’d like to thank you for making an effort to understand us better. We know we can be a little quirky.

First of all, let’s dispel a few common myths about introverts:
Being introverted does NOT mean being shy. It does NOT mean disliking people. What it does mean is that we refuel by spending time alone, and we also spend a great deal of time just thinking — which is wonderful for creativity and such, but can lead us far too much time worrying.

All of that means friendships with extraverts can prove challenging for us — but they can also be quite rewarding! My husband is an extravert, and he’s also my best friend. We both agree our personalities complement each other, but it’s taken a few years to learn what makes the other tick. I believe it’s the same with friendships.

How to be friends with an introvert:

We’re really not that difficult, once you get the hang of how we think. Consider these 10 tips your primer on navigating friendships with your favorite introverts.

1 – Coffee date vs dinner party

We like meaningful conversation but hate small talk. This means we’d much rather catch up one-on-one, than go out in a group. There are exceptions, of course — especially if we already know everyone else in the group.

2 – Parties are fun. Sometimes.

We like it when you to invite us to parties. If we do come, we’ll probably enjoy ourselves, but we’re going to need serious decompressing time afterwards. However, it’s also quite likely we’ll opt to stay home; please don’t be offended!

3 – How are you? No, really!

If we ask how you’re doing, we really want to know; we’re not just making conversation. Remember, we hate small talk so we don’t ask just for the sake of saying something.

*photo via unsplash

4 – Voicemail rocks.

We probably won’t answer the phone when you call unless we’re expecting it. It doesn’t mean we don’t want to talk to you; we’re just not mentally prepared for a conversation and want to give you the attention you deserve when we do talk to you.

5 – Drop-in visitors.

No matter how much we adore you, we might not like it if you drop by unannounced. It’s just because we like to plan ahead, to know what’s expected. Personally, I love entertaining — but only if I’ve had a chance to prepare. It’s for the same reasons as #4: if I’m not expecting you, my mind will be a thousand places at once, and that’s not fair to you as my friend.

If you have a genuine crisis, disregard numbers 4 and 5 above; we will drop everything to listen or help.

6 – Quiet? Ha!

People think introverts are quiet, but once you get us talking about something we care about deeply, we might not shut up. Consider yourself warned. 😉

7 – Conversations on repeat.

We will rehash every conversation we’ve ever had and beat ourselves up if we feel we may have said something foolish. Please let us know (nicely, if possible) if we’ve offended you so we can work it out before it festers.

8 – Give us time to think.

Whether it’s a dilemma you’d like input on, or something you’d like us to do, we need time to think. Most of us don’t do well coming up with things well on the fly, which is why we often write better than we talk.

9 – We can be silly.

Many of us have a silly side that few people ever see. Know that if you’ve seen this side of us, you must be very special indeed.

10 – Trust is to be treasured.

We rarely open up emotionally; we work hard to protect our inner selves. If we ever feel we can trust enough to be vulnerable with you, we will hold you to a high standard in regards to how you treat the private self we share with you.

Does that help, extravert friends?
Fellow introverts, what would you add?

Quick added note, since many have commented about it:
Both “extravert” and “extrovert” are correct spellings; I just used the less common, somewhat antiquated version. Because I’m quirky, remember? 😉

Wife, mama, homeschooler, dog-wrangler. Introvert who finds joy in good books, sunshine, and authentic conversation. Fitness enthusiast and strength coach. Often seen with a steaming mug of tea in hand.

by Alecia Bennett August 28, 2019, 6:39 pm

Teenage : A Tricky Ride To Adulthood

Yes, we have civilized, we have crossed milestones in technical developments but life as a teen has never been easy.

No doubt an adult’s life is complicated; they have to manage home,work, loads of responsibilities, bills and debts. But we all know that no phase in our life comes close to being as difficult as our teenage years.

Everything feels unstable and sensitive. This is the phase when we face the first harshness life throws at us – bullying, low self-esteem, heartbreak, anxiety, and peer pressure. We come to face the uncertainty associated with change – we are physiologically and emotionally undergoing drastic changes that nobody but us have to handle, all with our naivety.

Here are the few things that make teenage the worst years of our lives, almost like a nightmare:

1. High expectations from oneself and of our parents, relatives and other elder members of our family. As we are gradually preparing to mold ourselves into independently existing individuals, we have to start taking the initial responsibilities of our lives which feels like a sudden jump from complete dependency to look for autonomy.

2. Getting bullied at school,dealing with body shaming because of a number of weird changes that we are going through – might be our attitude, our gait, our mannerisms, our tone, postures or gestures.

3. Hormonal changes which makes us act totally off the grid – making us feel angry at one instance and irritated the other, to sometimes feel overwhelmed with emotions. Our reactions become so unpredictable we almost lose hope on ourselves.

This hormonal rush experienced by a person in their teens is certainly not an easy thing to deal with; emotional outbursts and tempestuous behavior displayed by a teenager should be dealt with enough sensiitivity by parents and other elders. They must be understanding enough because they themselves have gone through the same turbulent phase in their life.

4. Struggling with the internal conflict between the need for dependency and need for autonomy leading to fall outs and misunderstanding with parents.

5. Constant exploration to seek for our true identity is often confusing, as we are learning more about ourselves with each experience life throws at us.

Teenage can certainly be considered as the most important phase of life- it happens to be the time when a person builds himself/herself up and prepares for the next level. The upcoming future- high school, college all of them are significant milestones in a person’s life and one needs to carefully assess and analyse what choices they make, be it the stream they choose, the career they look forward to taking up in the future and other hobbies or interests they are willing to pursue.

Teenage is the crucial periods in a person’s life before the person attains adulthood and it is, therefore, extremely essential that the person learns from his/her life experiences as a teenager and grow up to be a mature, individual adult who is admired and respected by everyone in society.

If you’re an introvert who is a bit self-conscious and shy (like me), you know that these tendencies can compound your introversion. In fact, you can feel like a walking contradiction. How talkative and outgoing you are depends on how comfortable you feel around the people you’re with. You want meaningful relationships, but you struggle to overcome your shyness and open up to others.

Not all introverts are shy, and not all shy people are introverts (although, perhaps unsurprisingly, psychologists have found that there is some overlap between shyness and introversion). Here are 25 contradictory things that I’ve experienced, which stem from both my introversion and my shyness. Can you relate?

1. Wanting to do things alone so you don’t have to deal with people, but not wanting to be lonely.

2. Wanting to be invited to social events but not always wanting to go because you fear having to introduce yourself to others and make small talk.

3. Wishing other people would notice you but avoiding the spotlight at all costs.

4. Having deep thoughts every day, but when you try to explain them, they never come out quite as eloquently or profoundly as they sounded in your head. You blush or get embarrassed when trying to explain yourself, which only makes it harder.

5. Wanting to have meaningful conversations with people but being too self-conscious to actually say the things that are on your mind or ask the deep questions.

6. Wishing you had more friends but not wanting to actually introduce yourself to new people.

7. Being known as the “fun/quirky” one when you’re with close friends, but being known as the “quiet/shy” one when you’re with people you don’t know well.

8. Being praised for giving a thoughtful speech or presentation (you rehearsed for hours); fumbling your way through small talk with your classmates or colleagues afterwards.

9. Knowing the answer to the question the teacher asked but not wanting to raise your hand and have everyone look at you while you talk.

10. Having an idea or question in a meeting at work but being too shy to speak up.

11. Quietly doing a great job on something at work or school but not wanting anyone to make a big deal about it.

12. Wanting to get away from a long-winded extrovert but instead letting them talk on and on because you’re too shy to speak up or walk away.

13. Wanting to hang out with your significant other or roommate in the same room but not wanting to actually talk to them (you’re “peopled out” because you’ve had enough hand-wringing social interaction for one day, thankyouverymuch).

14. Being hilarious and clever while texting or messaging online; being awkward and shy while talking to someone IRL.

15. Desperately wanting to find your soul mate but being terrified to say hello to your crush.

16. Being told at work or school that you should speak up more (“You’re so shy!”); being told by your best friend or spouse that you talk too much about your niche hobbies or interests.

17. Feeling just fine but everyone keeps asking, “Are you okay?” because you’re not saying anything and you have Resting Bitch Face (or Resting Sad Face).

18. Caring so much about the people in your life and treasuring all the intimate, fun moments you’ve had with them but rarely working up the nerve to tell them how much they mean to you.

19. Getting sad because friends don’t invite you out but then remembering that you haven’t texted/reached out to anyone for months.

20. Wishing you could loosen up and have fun like everyone else but your overly self-conscious thoughts stop you.

21. Wanting to sleep but not being able to turn off your overthinking mind, which is replaying a conversation you had with an acquaintance earlier. Did they like you? Were they judging you?

22.Wanting to talk about something that really matters to you but worrying that everyone will be bored by what you say.

23. Going out with friends on a Saturday night, even though you know you’ll feel extremely self-conscious surrounded by all those people and will probably get an introvert hangover later.

24. Wanting to make an impact on the world but not wanting to leave your house.

25. Wishing you had just one person who understood your shy, weird ways but wanting to be alone most of the time.

You might like:

Did you enjoy this article? Sign up for our newsletters to get more stories like this.

Introverts need friends too — but we socialize in a very different way than extroverts. Due to the way we’re wired, socializing (and life in general) can be extremely draining for us.

That’s why we need some ground rules. Here are 13 of them. Suggested use: Sharing this article with your friends and talking about which “rules” resonated with you and which ones didn’t. Highly discouraged: Nailing these rules to your friends’ doors and demanding unwavering compliance.

‘Rules’ for Being Friends With an Introvert

1. Unless something’s on fire, don’t show up at our home unannounced.

Most extroverts seem to have no trouble suddenly being “on,” and they love — even welcome — an unexpected social surprise. But not so for us introverts. We need time to mentally prepare to see people. And to us, our homes are private spaces where we let down our guard and relax. Do not, I repeat, do not infringe on our sacred space — without getting permission from us in advance.

2. If it’s supposed to be just the two of us, don’t invite other people.

It’s hurtful if we feel like we’re just another warm body in your entourage. We want to mean something to you, because if we’re friends, you mean a lot to us. Due to our limited people energy, we don’t let just anybody into our inner circle. As Adam S. McHugh puts it: “Introverts treasure the close relationships they have stretched so much to make.”

If you have to invite other people, at least give us a heads up. There’s hardly anything worse for introverts than being ambushed by a raucous crowd when they were expecting a quietly intimate chat.

3. Skip the crowd. Hang out with us one-on-one or in a small group.

Want to make an introvert disappear? Put them in a large group of strangers, and they may quietly fade into the background. Pretty soon it’s like they’re not even there.

But when you get introverts alone, it’s a different story. Introverts thrive in intimate settings because when we’re talking to just one person, it drastically reduces our stimulation level — we only have to pay attention to the words, body language, and tone of voice of one person. For our minds, which are already quite busy with the internal stimulation that comes standard with being an introvert, paying attention to one person is plenty.

Plus, one-on-one, it’s easier to talk about more meaningful topics. Group talk tends to revolve around “safe” topics like what you did this weekend or how the new work project is going. Introverts crave diving deep, sharing big ideas, and talking authentically about things that actually matter.

4. Give us a tiny moment of real connection over hours of polite chitchat.

How are you really? What’s actually on your mind? Don’t just say it was a good weekend. Tell us about the existential crisis you had over the fact that you’re getting older and your life isn’t where you thought it would be. We’d rather know what’s going on inside you — what’s really going on — than just see the polished, “social media friendly” front that you display to everyone else.

As Laurie Helgoe writes, “When an introvert cares about someone, she also wants contact, not so much to keep up with the events of the other person’s life, but to keep up with what’s inside: the evolution of ideas, values, thoughts, and feelings.”

5. Encourage us to share our thoughts.

As an introvert, I’ll be the first to admit that I often need encouragement to chime in, especially when I’m with a group of people I don’t know well. Often, I won’t talk about myself or give my opinion about XYZ unless asked. It’s just in my nature to keep my thoughts to myself and only speak if I think I have something of real value to add to the conversation. Honestly, sometimes it just don’t even dawn on me to say what’s running through my mind. Plus, like many introverts, I’ve been cornered by an overly chatty extrovert countless times, so I’m especially sensitive to dominating the conversation. Don’t pry, but do ask how we are or what we think.

6. Don’t judge when we go quiet or get lost in our inner world.

The introvert’s inner world is vivid and alive, and we process things deeply. This means we’re prone to daydreaming, suddenly going quiet, needing extra time for word retrieval, and just all-around getting lost in our thoughts. If we drift off for a moment, or need a few extra beats to think, don’t slap us with a “Helloooooo come back to Earth!” or a “Why are you so quiet?” This will only make us feel extremely self-conscious.

7. Let us talk, too.

I have an extroverted friend who will go on and on about her life if given the chance. Suddenly 20 minutes have gone by and I’ve barely said anything. I like to listen and support her, but of course I have my limits, as all introverts do.

Introverts like to talk, too, but we’re often loathe to interrupt, because we know just what it feels like to have your deep-processing train of thought derailed. Make sure your quiet friend gets their turn, too.

8. We need more than 10 minutes to mentally prepare to hang out.

Spontaneity can be fun, and it has its place. But seriously, we need time to mentally prepare to be “on” — even if it’s with a close friend. Every introvert is different, but I prefer to be asked at least a day in advance.

9. We’re probably going to head home earlier than you. You have to be okay with that.

The introvert hangover is real, so don’t expect us to stay at the party as long as you do (if we go at all).

10. Don’t expect constant contact.

Unlike your more extroverted friends, we’re not going to text you every day — or even every weekend. That doesn’t mean we’ve forgotten about you. On the contrary, you likely float through our busy mind quite a bit when we’re apart. But we know we’ll soon see each other again, and we’d rather catch up in a way that’s meaningful — in person, favorite beverage in hand, one-on-one.

11. Text, don’t call.

It’s no secret that introverts absolutely loathe talking on the phone, so use your “call” feature sparingly.

12. Understand that even though we had fun hanging out yesterday, we probably don’t want to hang out again today.

If you’re an extrovert, socializing energizes you. But we feel tired, even when we enjoy ourselves. That’s because our brain is wired differently than your brain; we don’t get “high” off socializing and excitement like you do. Give us time to recharge, and we’ll want to see you again soon.

13. Seriously, we’ll be at home.

There will be a lot of nights and weekends when we’re just too drained to go out. Trust us when we say it’s nothing personal — we still love having you in our life.

This article was adapted from my book, The Secret Lives of Introverts . To better understand your awesome introvert self (or the introverts in your life), check it out on Amazon, or wherever books are sold.

You might like:

Did you enjoy this article? Sign up for our newsletters to get more stories like this.

We participate in the Amazon affiliate program.

We wonder what kind of question is this “How to make friends?”. It might be easy for extroverts but for introvert people, who are painfully shy fail to make friends. They fear opening up to someone and end up alone without friends.

They might have a lot of acquaintances but not best pals. This makes them feel bad about themselves and they often get frustrated. Introverts tend to hate themselves as they do not know how to openly express themselves which drifts them from enjoying other’s company.

A friend is your only mate that can make your life a joyride. Yes, that’s true! He or she will always remain at your side, whether good or bad times and if they truly love you; they will stand by you.

Extrovert or Introvert? Everyone needs friends

There are people who struggle a lot to make friends and often misread by others as they remain quite all the time. This is quite normal for shy, introverted people. They pretend that they hate people for some reason but deep down they don’t feel accepted. For many, it’s a self-preservation mechanism. If they don’t make friends, then no one can let them down or hurt them.

You might be going home in the afternoon with one burning question on your mind. That question is, “Why can’t I make friends?” It seems so easy for others, so why is it so hard for you? There’s no hard and fast reason for your social struggle but there are some signs that reveal if you are an introvert or extrovert. Perhaps you need a few pointers on how to make friends. Real friends, that is, not ‘friends’ who’ll abandon you in your hour of need.

Here are some common tips to make pals in school:

Be positive about yourself

The first thing to remember here is that introversion isn’t a flaw. Don’t question yourself on being an introvert or shy. Self-criticism will never help you to overcome shyness. Introverts must build up strength from within and push themselves by coming out of their comfort zone.

Turn that frown upside down

If you are looking to join someone as friends, then you need to look friendly. You need to smile at others. Acknowledge their presence with a smile. If you don’t feel confident, practice your smile in the mirror.

It needs to be a warm, genuine smile that reaches your eyes. At school, people can identify a fake smile with ease. This puts them off as it comes across as being insincere.

Make the first move

You can’t wait for friends to come to you. Sometimes, you have to go to them. Scope out the situation around you. You’ll soon spot someone who has the potential to be your friend. Perhaps they attend the same classes as you. Don’t isolate yourself for your happiness. Even a small effort made by you will help in developing deep relationships with others.

Maybe they participate in an afterschool activity that interests you. These indicators show that you have something in common with them which could form the basis of a meaningful friendship.

Be practical

Don’t go in there with the belief that your attempt at making friends will fail. However, be realistic. Despite the things you have in common, there may be no friendship connection between you.

Remember that this is not the only one person and how many hundreds of others there are to form friendships with.

How to make friends in college?

Your first year is the time when you’ll make friends quite easily. Everyone is new and struggling to adjust. That’s something you have in common with them. Most graduates will tell you that many of them met their lifelong friends during their first year of college.

College offers you a wider pool of potential companions. There are also a lot of opportunities to socialize through clubs and student organizations. Join groups doing activities that interest you and you’re likely to find some friends.

Making genuine friends is easy

What you need in your life is a small circle of friends who’ll have your back no matter what. To make genuine friends you need to be loyal towards them and win their trust. Sometimes that means being blunt and direct with your friends.

Here are some of the characteristics of a genuine/real friend. These are the characteristics you need to show to your friends and seek them as well.

Brutal Honesty

A genuine friend doesn’t skirt around an issue, preferring to approach it head-on. You can be comforted by the fact that anything they say is true. With a genuine friend, you know what you’re getting.

You’ll never be in any doubt that this person wants to be your friend. This is not an on-off situation. You might disagree but you’ll always find a way to resolve your differences.

Inspirational motivation

A genuine friend wants to see you better yourself. If they feel you’re not achieving what you should be, they’ll express their true feelings for you. They won’t do it in a disparaging way, as they want to encourage you.

Sincere apology

A genuine friend apologizes unreservedly when they have done something wrong and hurt your feelings. They can admit they were wrong and own what they did that has upset you.

Protectiveness

A genuine friend will tell you that the person you’re dating is not good for you if they sense a problem. The reason for this is that they believe that, as a friend, it is their duty to prevent you from being hurt.

How to make friends online?

There are numerous ways to meet people over the internet or social media. Social media is very helpful to many individuals to find one or many individuals. However, there are many chances of you getting dumped or cheated by someone. Initiating friendship is the hardest thing to do and most of the times it is a hit or trial.

Online friendships are most commonly prevalent among introvert people, who are constantly fighting shy, social anxiety, and lack confidence in their personal social skills.

A study shows friendships formed on the internet does not have a similar impact on our social and emotional needs as compared to direct friendships.

Researchers have still not come to a conclusion as there are many other benefits of making online friends.

1. Online friendships are not bounded by limitations of availability or personal attitude. No matter how busy you are or how shy you feel, you can make friends over a chat or a call.
2. When you indulge in online friendships, you tend to make friends or know people from different parts of the world. This thought itself is exciting enough to entice you for making friends over the internet.
3. The Internet is the only medium that gives liberty to form an intimate relationship. This is so because people are not bounded by the typical norms of society and traditions.

Golden Rule of Making Friends

True friends are those meaningful relationships that one can enjoy for a lifetime. Friendships can last for a lifetime only when the foundation is strong and sturdy. So, be yourself and trust your instincts, you will never fail.

Never fake your feelings, people will either accept you for who you are, or they won’t. It’s their loss if they don’t.

by Alecia Bennett August 28, 2019, 6:39 pm

Teenage : A Tricky Ride To Adulthood

Yes, we have civilized, we have crossed milestones in technical developments but life as a teen has never been easy.

No doubt an adult’s life is complicated; they have to manage home,work, loads of responsibilities, bills and debts. But we all know that no phase in our life comes close to being as difficult as our teenage years.

Everything feels unstable and sensitive. This is the phase when we face the first harshness life throws at us – bullying, low self-esteem, heartbreak, anxiety, and peer pressure. We come to face the uncertainty associated with change – we are physiologically and emotionally undergoing drastic changes that nobody but us have to handle, all with our naivety.

Here are the few things that make teenage the worst years of our lives, almost like a nightmare:

1. High expectations from oneself and of our parents, relatives and other elder members of our family. As we are gradually preparing to mold ourselves into independently existing individuals, we have to start taking the initial responsibilities of our lives which feels like a sudden jump from complete dependency to look for autonomy.

2. Getting bullied at school,dealing with body shaming because of a number of weird changes that we are going through – might be our attitude, our gait, our mannerisms, our tone, postures or gestures.

3. Hormonal changes which makes us act totally off the grid – making us feel angry at one instance and irritated the other, to sometimes feel overwhelmed with emotions. Our reactions become so unpredictable we almost lose hope on ourselves.

This hormonal rush experienced by a person in their teens is certainly not an easy thing to deal with; emotional outbursts and tempestuous behavior displayed by a teenager should be dealt with enough sensiitivity by parents and other elders. They must be understanding enough because they themselves have gone through the same turbulent phase in their life.

4. Struggling with the internal conflict between the need for dependency and need for autonomy leading to fall outs and misunderstanding with parents.

5. Constant exploration to seek for our true identity is often confusing, as we are learning more about ourselves with each experience life throws at us.

Teenage can certainly be considered as the most important phase of life- it happens to be the time when a person builds himself/herself up and prepares for the next level. The upcoming future- high school, college all of them are significant milestones in a person’s life and one needs to carefully assess and analyse what choices they make, be it the stream they choose, the career they look forward to taking up in the future and other hobbies or interests they are willing to pursue.

Teenage is the crucial periods in a person’s life before the person attains adulthood and it is, therefore, extremely essential that the person learns from his/her life experiences as a teenager and grow up to be a mature, individual adult who is admired and respected by everyone in society.

When I was a kid, I had “introvert” written all over me.

I had friends, but I didn’t love talking during class; I was busy listening.

When I got home from school, I went straight to my room and spent hours there. Sometimes I did homework, other times I drew, read or just sat still and looked out the window. I needed time to myself so I could reflect on the day behind me and feel energized and ready for the next one ahead.

Before I continue, let’s get one thing straight: Being introverted isn’t the same thing as being shy. Introverts simply get their energy from spending time on their own, while extroverts get their fuel from spending time with others.

Despite the fact roughly 50 percent of people in the United States are introverted, our society isn’t one that really understands the nature of an introvert.

The kids who talked in class got the attention and praise from my teachers, and by the time high school rolled around, I started passing up party invitations because I craved a night in with a good book. My friends started calling me “lame.”

So, I adapted. By the time I entered the “real world,” I learned to speak up in meetings, and I started acing interviews.

I learned as long as I had some really close friends who I could have deep, meaningful conversations with on a regular basis, small talk wasn’t so bad. Alone time was still a necessity, but I needed a little less of it.

Maybe I morphed into an extrovert!

Then, online dating happened. Everyone was swiping left and right, obsessively checking their OkCupid profiles and going on multiple dates a week. I was single, so I thought I’d give it a try.

After my first Internet date, there was no question about it: I was mostВ definitelyВ still an introvert.

So, if you think you may have fallen for an introverted guy or girl, here’s what you need to know about dating that person.

Small talk is tough for introverts.

Maybe you can talk about the weather for hours on end, but small talk is difficult for introverts. They’re stimulated by deeper, more meaningful interactions, which is why they’re prone to having a few close friends rather than large groups of acquaintances.

Every time a Tinder date suggested “grabbing a drink,” it sounded harmless enough, but once I actually got there, I usually found myself exhausted within the first five minutes.

Of course, I was vaguely interested in what my date did for work. His summer plans sounded pretty cool, as did his cat.

But after a while, it was hard not to yawn or act at least a little disinterested. Why couldn’t he just tell me about the things he worried about when he couldn’t fall asleep at night?!В ThatВ was a conversation topic I could get on board with.

If you want things to work out with your introverted crush, spare him or her the constant comments about how crazy the weather has been this winter. Try taking the conversation to the next level.

Introverts think before they speak.

Introverts don’t just blurt out the first things floating into their heads. They listen, they reflect on what was said andВ thenВ they respond.

For an introverted person, I went on an impressive amount of dates before getting together with my current boyfriend.

Aside from the particularly silent fellas out there, I was almost always the quieter one on the date. It wasn’t because I was nervous or wasn’t having fun, I just wanted to make sure I could fully understand what was said so I could respond in a meaningful way.

Truth be told, it was exhausting, and I often sent the wrong message.

So if your date talks less than you, don’t take it as a bad sign. Your date just wants to make sure when he or she does speak, it’s meaningful.

Introverts don’t love phone calls.

If you are one of the few people out there who still picks up the phone and calls someone to ask him or her out, good for you!

But if an introvert is the object of your affection, you may want to rethink that one. Introverts see the ringing of theirВ phones as intrusive and viewВ phones as vehicles for much-dreaded small talk.

Take it from me: Send a text.

Introverts approach conflict differently.

Obviously, this one applies to when you’ve gone on more than a few dates with someone, but introverts need some time to think when it comes to arguments and fights.

This can be frustrating for extroverts, who have no problem saying everything they feel as they’re feeling it, but introverts need time to process what they’re upset about.

When I’m dealing with conflict, I need time to think through and process the problem. Sometimes, I need to go home, write about it and then think some more before voicing what I’m angry about.

I can see how this can be frustrating for anyone who doesn’t deal with conflict this way (trust me, it drives my boyfriend nuts), but it’s just the way introverts roll.

Introverts need time to decompress.

One thing I noticed a lot after first dates was even if I had a great time, IВ reallyВ wanted to go home.

Often my date would ask if I wanted to grab a drink at another bar or some food. I almost always said no, which put a lot of guys off.

But it wasn’t personal. Even if I liked the guy, I hated the small talk. I was completely exhausted! I needed some time to gather my energy and be alone with my thoughts.

To be totally honest, I think, sometimes, I didn’t get second dates because of this very quality. TheirВ loss!

Introverts are amazing listeners.

Introverts love to listen. This is why they crave deep conversation so intensely. They want to know about your hopes, your dreams, your worries and your fears.

So if you’re sitting across from a guy or girl who you suspect is an introvert on a first date, youВ never have to worry he or she isn’t listening to you. Your words are more than heard.

I may be a little biased, but I think being a good listener is a super important quality in a relationship. Don’t let a little silence here and there put you off.

Just a little note to all you extroverts out there: If you related to this article, you may be a lot more introverted than you thought.

“I loved being in groups of people and sought acceptance, but I did not like talking or being the center of attention. I was very introspective, but I loved to share my thoughts with other people.”

A Shy Extrovert

What is an Extrovert?

According to Isabel Briggs-Myers, founder of the widely-used Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), “Extraverts orient their energy to the outer world.” In other words, extroverts recharge their energy through interacting with people; by going places, and by doing things. By contrast, introverts renew their reserves through solitude. While extroverts tend to be sociable or outgoing – and the introvert shy or withdrawn – this is not always the case.

It is important to understand that introversion and extroversion have to do with how one increases their energy. Extroverts gain their energy by being “out and about.” This doesn’t necessarily mean that they are social butterflies, however.

Shy extroverts are a rare breed. They also tend to be highly conscientious, intelligent, diplomatic, and friendly!

Are you a shy extrovert?

Here are 9 signs that you may just be!

1. You’re outgoing, but not a big talker

Unlike other extroverts, the shy variety doesn’t mind some peace and quiet. While an ‘outgoing extrovert’ (‘O.E’) may feel the need to keep the convo flowing, their shy counterpart doesn’t. The shy extrovert (‘S.E’) feels no discomfort if a conversation isn’t flowing, while this delay may just drive O.E nuts.

2. You’re a better listener than most extroverts

S.E’s are very interested in those around them and what they have to say – something that enables them to listen attentively. Additionally, as a shy person, they understand the frustrations of not being heard, and they try hard to let the person know that they’re attending to their words. “Sorry, O.E’s, but your eyes dart around way too mu—” …And now you’re walking away.

3. You dislike small parties

S.E’s are observers in every sense of the word. They love being where the action is, but they’d rather people watch; satisfied in knowing that they’re “part of things.” The shy aspect of their personality renders them uncomfortable at smaller, quieter gatherings where people are more likely to engage in personal talk.

4. You love deep conversation

O.E’s have the “gift of gab” that allows them to connect with darn near everybody. It’s an exceptional talent that helps explain why they’re among the most gifted politicans, executives, and salespeople. The shy ones often don’t fit this bill. Actually, S.E’s take a page out of the introvert playbook in that they detest small talk. (“Please don’t comment about the weather…”)

5. You want to be alone…until you don’t

Shy extroverts can play the introvert exceptionally well…for a little while. If they’ve had a long week, the SE may just lock themselves in their bedroom for few hours. Actually, a few may be a bit too long. Two (and a half?) hours are a bit more like it. Then they’ve got to get the hell out of there.

6. You detest being C.O.A.

Ah, the Center of Attention – something that our outgoing extroverts relish. By the way, this is a good thing. While this writer loves his introverted brothers and sisters, they’re typically quite terrible at entertaining a crowd. Anyways, S.E’s play part-time introvert in this respect too. Straight up wallflowers, baby!

7. You’re an introvert’s party buddy

Extroverts love parties. Introverts do too, albeit for a (much) shorter period of time. Innies are also prone to feeling all types of awkward, which creates a dilemma. You see, they’d hang out with other innies, but they’ve already left. They’ve already said “hey…” to the loud people and – oh, there you are!

8. You’re a great confidant

Shy extroverts really love listening to other people and, as mentioned, don’t need to be at the center of attention. That means that people (introverts included) confide in them. When it comes to engaging in an authentic, deep conversation, there may be nobody more up to the task than our shy extroverts.

9. You’re the perfect friend

As far as personality traits go, you’re about as perfect an in-betweener as it gets. While there are plenty of smart extroverts to hang with, you may not feel like keeping up with the conversation. No problem, your innie friend wants to talk about a book she hasn’t finished. An hour later, your O.E. buddy comes along and wants to do a jello shot and go work out. Wait, what?

Earlier this year gal pal and fellow creative Andrea asked if I had written any blogposts about how to be a friend to introverts. I hadn’t, but ever since then I’ve been mulling over this equally unique and interesting topic. Cut to this week when while scrolling through Facebook (as you do) and this little gem popped up:

It’s actually a video and it’s perfect. Introverts and extroverts have to commingle on a daily basis. This fact can make any introvert sweat a little. Even though I now consider myself an ambivert (somewhere in-between on the spectrum of intro and extra) my years of strong introvert behavior still precludes how people socialize with me, to a certain extent.

Introverts and extraverts are equally wonderful, but I hate to break it to you introverts – sometimes you can give off a ‘don’t bother me’ vibe. Maybe more than sometimes! The hundreds of ignored phone calls, eyes rolled and events skipped over the years has taught me a lot about introvert social behaviors.

Now that I work with introverts and help them feel confident enough to go out into the world as their true selves I see these amazing transformations take place. I witness young women who were previously frightened to talk to the opposite sex, look people in the eye or ask for help simply change. Improve. Put themselves out there. It’s the coolest.

I guarantee you have introverted people in your life, and they may come off as uppity or strange at first. Introverts can be tough nuts to crack but it is possible. Everyone needs a few introverted friends, we are observant, thoughtful and cunning. Just because we like to recharge at home alone doesn’t mean we’re lame. It may not seem like we have a lot of friends but we have just enough, and if you’re one of them count yourself lucky.

Wait For It
We likely want to be your friend. But we’re not going to pursue you too hard. Don’t expect numerous daily texts/calls and weekly plans to be made. The courtship will be spread out and sometimes you may even forget about it. But we still like you and surely it will happen!

Do It Right
Let’s make a plan and stick to that plan. Introverts like to know what’s coming up so don’t throw us for a loop and invite other people or drastically change the details of the hang. Just getting out of the house to be social can be a big compromise, especially after a long week of introverting in an extraverted world.

Quiet Is OK
Introverts love to talk too, but if we’re quiet it’s usually because we’re processing and figuring out what to do next. Conversationally or physically. There’s nothing wrong, we just live inside our heads more than extraverts.

Get Real
Introverts are far more stimulated by quality 1-on-1 conversation than mingling and chatting through a crowd. Many of us are quite empathic and taking in a lot of energy is exhausting, so getting real and talking to just one person is a much better social scenario for us.

Let Us Be
If we say we’re going to stay in, we’re really going to stay in. Introverts need to regain their composure and treat themselves with solo time versus extraverts who need to be around others to recharge. But do check in with us if it’s been too long. We like to know you care too!

Don’t let introvert friendships slip between your fingers, they easily can. Keeping the lines of communication open-but not too much, remember-will do just fine. This works with fresh and long term relationships with the fabulous introverted kind.

Me and one of my fav introverts, my SIL Kylie

Because like attracts like I’m hosting an event next week with little to no social pressure! How is that possible?! Read more about Come As You Are Coffee and if you’re local please join us!

I am grateful for your presence today. Did you enjoy this blogpost? Please consider commenting below or sharing via e-mail/social media. Guaranteed Giddy is a transformation destination where women come to reclaim their confidence!

Would you like to work with Alli? Click here to see giddy transformation offerings, which include confidence & life coaching, fitness/yoga instruction and public speaking.

Don’t be a stranger! Keep up with Alli on Instagram, Facebook and the Giddy Newsletter for daily doses of giddy.

This is a question I get asked a lot: How can an introvert attract and make friends with other introverts?

Whether you want to date fellow introverts, or simply find a friend who understands your unique introvertisms, it can be hard to know where to begin.

After all, introverts are known as quiet observers who hang out on the edges of the room.

We tend to let others initiate conversations. If no one’s willing to make the first move, how can two introverts connect? Not only that…

There’s that whole yin and yang philosophy about lovers and friends. If opposites attract, what happens when two similar personalities end up in the same room?

In the case of introverts, we might not even notice each other because we’re surrounded by extroverts who do all the talking.

And sure, this can be annoying, but there’s definitely a comfort to hanging out with extroverts who carry the conversation.

However, too often, things become very uncomfortable, as we get overwhelmed by bigger, louder personalities who don’t really understand us. Don’t get me wrong, not all extroverts are like this.

The pain of introvert extrovert relationships

Unfortunately, I hear from a lot of introverts who have had painful experiences with extroverted partners or friends. They constantly felt judged for their preferences.

Rather than embracing one another’s differences, the extrovert tried to change the introvert, pushing them to talk and socialize more than was natural to them.

At the root of the pain of extrovert/introvert relationships that don’t work is the sense that we’re not understood or accepted.

We all want to feel heard and seen in our relationships, romantic or otherwise. Some introverts feel that being with a fellow introvert is the only way to achieve this. I get it.

I used to attract highly gregarious, outgoing personalities who talked more than they listened. These were not bad people. In fact, they were warm, kind, and open-minded. But they also exhausted me.

I felt like I had to fight to join the conversation. If it’s too hard for an introvert to feel heard in conversation, we’ll just give up. –>

So, that’s what I did a lot of the time. I turned in the towel and allowed myself to be outshined by bigger personalities. But there was a big problem.

Even though we’re introverts, focused on our internal world, we are also human beings. As humans, we have an innate need to express our authentic selves and be accepted for who we are.

We can never connect in the meaningful way that we need and desire if we hide in the shadows of extroverts.

That said, here’s how to find and connect with other introverts:

Go to the right places

Introverts are everywhere, but there are certain places that we prefer to hang out. Outdoor groups and artist events are crawling with introverts.

Think nature walks, spoken word slams, music open mics, and biking groups.

If you’re at a party, you’re likely to find introverts at the edge of the room, playing with a pet, helping the host, or simply observing. They may also be attached at the hip to an extroverted companion.

Know how to spot an introvert

I talk about how to spot an introvert in this video. One thing to keep in mind is that introverts often disguise ourselves as extroverts. We’re not always quiet and solitary, but there are always telltale signs of an introvert.

Look for the people who speak more slowly and seem to avoid small talk. Introverts also tend to start zoning out after a lot of socializing.

As I explain in this video, a lot of comedians are introverts. What I’ve noticed about comedians is they tend to dive into whatever topic of conversation interests them, without much pretence.

The conversation can be silly, serious, or ranty, but it’s usually devoid of small talk. This is true of a lot of introverts who’ve managed to escape, or just plain flip the bird, at extrovert social norms.

Make the first move

A fellow introvert is less likely to initiate conversation. Bite the bullet and make the first move. This means being the first to make eye contact, smile, approach the person, and introduce yourself.

Commit to the conversation

Commitment is a key aspect of connecting with anyone. But it is especially essential when talking to fellow introverts.

Many introverts worry that we’re too boring and weird to be interesting. We wonder why anyone would want to be friends with us.

If we notice that our conversation partner is looking at their phone or around the room, we’ll assume it’s our fault. We’ll start to feel self-conscious and retract into our shell.

Conversely, if you bring your full attention to the conversation, asking thoughtful questions and truly listening, the introvert will feel safe to open up to you.

Follow up and follow through

If you meet an introvert who you’d like to get to know better, you’ll probably have to be the one to make the second move. That is to say that you’ll have to ask for their contact info.

Then it’s as simple as following through by reaching out and setting up a time to meet.

Depending on the situation, it might feel more natural to invite them to a social event that you’re already attending, such as a BBQ, or outdoor meetup.

For more tips on how to connect with innies, outies and anything in between, download my free Introvert Connection Guide. You’ll also get my Introvert Conversation Cheat sheet and Confidence Lessons straight to your inbox.

Over to you

Are you an introvert who wants to befriend fellow introverts? Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you!

Follow Me on Instagram

What if you’re a non-shy introvert or a shy extrovert? That might sound crazy to some of you, if you confuse extroverts with people-skills or introverts with not liking people, as stereotypes are hard to break. But for me, the first time I heard this it made complete sense as it finally explained why my husband talks to strangers more than I do, even though he’d choose a quiet night on the couch over going out with friends.

I’m a Shy Extrovert

No one is surprised to find out I’m an extrovert, but most people seem dubious to hear me

describe myself as shy. They seem surprised to find out that I don’t talk to the people sitting beside me on the plane and I hate making small talk with sales people (“just leave me alone and I’ll let you know if I need help!”). I cringe going to conferences where I don’t know anyone and I can easily attend the same exercise class as you for over a year and not say more than hi. I can do those things and even do them quite well. but I don’t enjoy them. I actually feel insecure and shy.

My Husband is a Non-Shy Introvert

And while no one who knows my husband is surprised he’s non-shy, they never seem to believe him when he identifies as an introvert. They see him talk to everyone, quick to start conversations and slow to say good-bye, and are in awe of how engaged he is with those lucky enough to connect with him. His people skills are in the top 1% and he genuinely loves people. But then he has to go home and recover. He’s worn out. He has to pace his week to make sure there isn’t too much interaction.

I interviewed Sophia Dembling a few years ago about her book The Introvert’s Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World for a friendship course I was teaching and when she talked about the difference between being shy and being an introvert– it made so much sense.

Defining the Terms: Extrovert, Introvert, Shy, Non-Shy

Put simply, an extrovert is someone who is energized by being around people; whereas an introvert can feel drained before or after interacting and need to pull away from people in order to get re-energized. Most of us fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum– referred to often as ambiverts, meaning that while we might lean one way a bit, we can certainly resonate with aspects of the other. This classification tends to speak to what energizes and drains us.

But the above has nothing to do with our people skills or anxiety levels when connecting and that’s where the non-shy/shy spectrum comes in. Someone who is non-shy would tend to feel confident in talking with people, unworried about their ability to keep a conversation going, interested in getting to know people around them, and if not eager to meet stranger, at least not overly nervous about it. On the other extreme, someone who identifies as shy would typically experience anxiety, nervousness, and uncertainty in meeting and connecting with others. Again, like a bell curve, most of us fall somewhere between the two extremes.

What This Says About Our Friendships

I find this all so fascinating. Certainly someone who is a shy introvert might have one of the biggest challenges in feeling motivated to connect with others for they feel anxious and they aren’t all that energized by it (although that’s not to say they don’t need deep human connection or that it won’t improve their health and happiness to get it!). Or how important it might be to a non-shy introvert to give themselves permission to withdraw even though they’re so interested in people.

There is much still being studied in these fields and much we still don’t know, but from what I’ve read so far it appears that while we don’t have much control over whether we’re extrovert or introvert, we do seem to have the ability to become less shy. Neuroscience is showing us that our brains can learn how to experience more calmness in our connections, to feel more accepted, and to feel more resonance with others. In some cases it’s that we can learn new skills and practice new behaviors that create stronger brain pathways, or in some cases it’s finding healing from traumatic relationships or experiences that still trigger our insecurities or fears.

Maybe you’ve often thought “I’m just not that good at relationships” or “I’m not sure I know how to be a friend.” Or maybe you can even feel your frustration at everyone for not being the “right” thing to you, or the shame you feel toward yourself for seemingly not knowing how to engage. I really want to encourage you to not give up.

The good news is that we can create new trails/bridges in our brains and stop walking the same tired ones that lead us to anxiousness, irritability, fear, or the temptation to take everything personally.

Apparently, we can ALL learn new ways of connecting. It’s called neuroplasticity– the ability of our brain to rewire itself, which is what many of us need to do in order to create the healthier relationships we need in our lives!

Have you become less shy? What worked? Have you changed a thought pattern or habit when it comes to how you relate to others? How’d you do it? Have you ever intentionally tried to create a new neuro pathway or stopped treading on one that was no longer serving you? What advice do you have for us?

Two Ideas for Growing Your Brain for Healthier & Easier Connections:

1. Some of you might want to sign-up for the 13-class virtual course that includes the interview with Sophia Dembling: “The Friendships You’ve Always Wanted: Learning a Better Way to Meet-Up, Build-Up, and Break-Up with Your Friends”.
2. But my favorite option is an invitation to join GirlFriendCircles.com where every single month our members receive a monthly skill or challenge to practice, a class taught by a leading expert, a worksheet for personal application, and a vibrant community for advice, encouragement, and support! Talk about rewiring our brains for healthy connection over the long-run! It’s purposely not too much that it feels overwhelming, but is enough to keep bringing your focus back to relational growth.

Our brain development is like exercise– the more we do it and the longer we do it for– the stronger we get. We can’t just try something once and expect a new habit to be formed. But we can see growth and change over time! xoxo

By Susan Cain

Bill Gates is quiet and bookish, but apparently unfazed by others’ opinions of him: he’s an introvert, but not shy.

Barbra Streisand has an outgoing, larger than life personality, who also battles with a paralyzing case of stage fright: she’s a shy extrovert.

Shyness and introversion are not the same thing. Shyness is the fear of negative judgment, and introversion is a preference for quiet, minimally stimulating environments. Some psychologists map the two tendencies on vertical and horizontal axes, with the introvert-extrovert spectrum on the horizontal axis and the anxious-stable spectrum on the vertical. With this model, you end up with four quadrants of personality types: calm extroverts, anxious (or impulsive) extroverts, calm introverts, and anxious introverts.

Interestingly, this view of human nature is echoed in ancient Greece. The physicians Hippocrates and Galen famously proposed that our temperaments—and destinies—were a function of bodily fluids. Extra blood made people sanguine (calmly extroverted), yellow bile made them choleric (impulsively extroverted), phlegm made them phlegmatic (calmly introverted), and black bile made them melancholic (anxiously introverted).

But if shyness and introversion are so different, why do we often link them, especially in the popular media?

The most important answer is that there’s a shared bias in our society against both traits. The mental state of a shy extrovert sitting quietly in a business meeting may be very different from that of a calm introvert—the shy person is afraid to speak up, while the introvert is simply overstimulated—but to the outside world, the two appear to be the same, and neither type is welcome. Studies show that we rank fast and frequent talkers as more competent, likable, and even smarter than slow ones.

Galen aside, poets and philosophers throughout history, like John Milton and Arthur Schopenhauer, have associated shyness with introversion. As the anthropologist C.A. Valentine once wrote,

Western cultural traditions include a conception of individual variability which appears to be old, widespread, and persistent. In popular form this is the familiar notion of the man of action, practical man, realist, or sociable person as opposed to the thinker, dreamer, idealist, or shy individual. The most widely used labels associated with this tradition are the type designations extrovert and introvert.

Were these sages flat out wrong? No. Psychologists have found that shyness and introversion do overlap (meaning that many shy people are introverted, and vice versa), though they debate to what degree. There are several reasons for this overlap. For one thing, some people are born with “high-reactive” temperaments that predispose them to both shyness and introversion. Also, a shy person may become more introverted over time; since social life is painful, she is motivated to discover the pleasures of solitude and other minimally social environments. And an introvert may become shy after continually receiving the message that there’s something wrong with him.

But shyness and introversion don’t overlap completely, or even predominantly. Sometime ago, I published an op-ed in The New York Times on the value of these two characteristics. It touched a chord in a readership hungry for this message. It quickly became the #1 most e-mailed article, and I received over a thousand heartfelt notes of thanks.

But some letter writers felt that the article conflated introversion with shyness and, as such, had misrepresented them. Though I did make a clear distinction in the piece between the two, these writers were correct that I moved on quickly, perhaps too quickly, to other subjects. I did this because of space constraints—if I had tried to explain everything I just outlined above (and even this post only scratches the surface of a highly complex topic), I would never have gotten to the real point: the importance of shyness and introversion in a society that disdains them.

Still, I understand why non-anxious introverts feel frustrated when people treat them as if they’re shy. It’s inherently annoying to be misunderstood, to be told that you’re something that you’re not. Anyone who has walked down the street deep in thought and been instructed by a stranger to smile—as if he were depressed, rather than mentally engaged—knows how maddening this is.

Also, shyness implies submissiveness. And in a competitive culture that reveres alpha dogs, one-downmanship is probably the most damning trait of all.

Yet, this is where the shy and the introverted, for all their differences, have something profound in common. Neither type is perceived by society as alpha, and this gives both types the vision to see how alpha status is overrated and how our reverence for it blinds us to things that are good, smart, and wise. For very different reasons, shy and introverted people might choose to spend their days in behind-the-scenes or “passive” pursuits like inventing, studying, or holding the hands of the dying. These are not alpha roles, but the people who play them are role models all the same.

*The above post previously appeared on Susan Cain’s former blog, The Power of Introverts.

Plenty of pets love cuddling with their owners, but dogs are individuals and not every one enjoys being held for long periods of time or meeting new people. Bonding with a shy dog can be a challenge, especially if you’re used to cuddly animals, but it’s certainly not impossible.

Here, find seven ways to bond with a shy dog and learn more about how to give your dog the attention he wants.

1. Get to Know the Dog on Their Time

It takes time to earn a dog’s trust, and you need to focus on what the dog wants rather than what you think might be best. So, how can you determine what the dog’s needs are?

“Giving the dog plenty of space and letting him make all the decisions about approaching is all that can be done in the moment. If he growls or seems to want to get away, let that happen,” says Liz Stelow, veterinary behaviorist at UC Davis School of Veterinary Medicine.

Signs that a dog needs space include stiffness, lip licking, yawning, panting, averting your gaze, a tucked tail and even growling. All of these signals should be respected and, if the dog you are approaching displays them, give them space.

You’ll also want to make sure the dog doesn’t view you as an intimidating person, says Stefanie Schwartz, a board-certified veterinary behaviorist. She recommends avoiding big gestures and keeping your voice low and calm. If you’re tall, she advises sitting on the floor and letting the dog come to you. The overall idea is to create an environment where your dog can thrive.

“Making them feel safe is the best thing to do,” says Debra Horwitz, a diplomate of American College of Veterinary Behaviorists and a vet with Veterinary Behavior Consultations in St. Louis, Missouri. “What you want them to understand is that you’re safe, reliable, [and] when you show, up good things are going to happen.”

2. Take a Walk

Most dog owners know this to be true: dogs love walking. And walking is a great way to bond with your pooch.

“It’s just quality time together. Nothing replaces the benefits of walking a dog,” says Horwitz. “Dogs like to be outside and sniff around. They get a lot of information about their world through their nose.”

Stelow advises walking your dog in a quiet neighborhood or during quieter times of the day to reduce the chances of running into strangers. If your dog is agitated by new people or unusually dogs, try to remove those triggers by walking away quickly, crossing the street or walking in another direction when you encounter then. She also recommends resisting the urge to approach the person or other dog to help the dog “get used to” the trigger, as that is unlikely to work out well.

3. Create a Comfortable Environment

If you dog is new to your home, he might need time to adjust to the new space. Horwitz advises placing the dog in a mid-size room that’s not too large or small. Give him a nice dog bed or place to hide if he needs it.

“Understand that they may hide for a while as they’re trying to figure out what’s going on,” says Horwitz. By giving him time, space and an environment that he feels safe in, your dog will gradually begin to open up in his own way.

4. Use Food to Encourage Closeness

As with many species, food equals love for many dogs, and Horwitz confirms that feeding your dog is a great way to bond. She suggests sitting in a room with your dog quietly while you read or check email and your dog consumes a delicious dog treats . Stay for 15 minutes and then leave.

“Keep repeating this so that the dog begins to learn that they’re safe,” says Horwitz. If your pet starts responding positively, encourage them with treats and kind words. Horwitz cautions that you’ll want to resist the urge to pick up your dog and hug him or her.

“Let them set the pace of how close they want to be to you,” She says. “Slowly, you’re going to figure out what your dog needs.”

5. Bring Some Toys into the Mix

If your dog likes playing with toys, an interactive toy can be a great way to bond. Horwitz suggests experimenting with different toys to see what your dog loves (all dogs have different preferences on what types of toys are the most engaging).

Schwartz advises against using toys that require the dog to use his mouth or wrestle with you, like tug-of-war toys. Instead, try a softer toy or a ball first. Use a quiet, calm voice and give lots of praise when your dog is playing with the toy to encourage him.

6. Try Pheromones

Adaptil is a synthetic pheromone (a chemical released by the body) that mimics the pheromones a mother dog emits after giving birth, Horwitz says.

“It helps the puppies find where they’re supposed to nurse and feel relaxed and comfortable,” says Horwitz. It can also help a shy dog relax and sense that it is in an area that is comfortable, nurturing, and welcome.

Adaptil is usually administered via a dog collar, diffuser or spray.

Stelow says she’s seen adaptil work in about 60 percent of dogs and prefers a collar to administer the drug, keeping the collar close to your dog’s neck so that his body heat helps dissipate the pheromone.

7. Brush Your Dog

If your dog enjoys being groomed, brushing is another great way to connect with your pooch. As with any activity with a shy dog, look to see if your dog likes it first and go slowly, Stelow says. If your dog’s eyes and body muscles relax, continue but if he freezes, pants, licks his lips, looks sideways at the brush or the person using it or becomes very tense, Stelow recommends stopping the session.

Above all, try not take your dog’s shyness personally.

“They need to take their time and understand that it doesn’t mean the dog doesn’t like you, it means the dog doesn’t know you,” says Horwitz.

Teresa K. Traverse is a Phoenix-based writer, editor, traveler and dog mom to Chihuahuas Autumn and Rocket.

You may be familiar with the terms introvert, extrovert, and even ambivert, but what do you know of a shy extrovert?

To be honest, I’ve been through phases when I related to being an introvert and then found similar characteristics in the ambivert personality, as well as even the extrovert. I’ve taken many personality tests and met many people who took the liberty of telling me what they thought, but that was just opinionated.

The thing is, only you can discover who you are, personality classification or not. Only you know if you are a shy extrovert.

What is a shy extrovert?

If you’ve ever taken the Myers-Briggs personality test, then you could have been surprised by your results. It’s especially true if you’re shy but your results labeled you as an extrovert.

An extrovert is someone who becomes energized when around other people. They love large crowds and extravagant parties. Introverts, on the other hand, usually energize when alone. With shy extroverts, they like socialization but not being the center of attention.

So, in order to understand if you’re one, you should take a look at a few indicators:

1. Quiet observer

Shy extroverts are often people watchers. Watching all sorts of people pass by on the street and indulging in their emotions and exchanges somehow energizes you.

The subtle expression of animals walking by, an elderly couple nearby, hand in hand, and the boisterous laughter of a group of friends – you love these things, and you don’t even have to be a part of what’s going on…only an observer.

2. People often confide in you

Have you noticed how people tend to come to you for advice? If so, you could be a shy extrovert. Regular extroverts focus mainly on others like them, while you seem to be open to differences and non-judgemental. When friends come to you for advice, you feel right at home helping them work through problems.

3. You are social but in small groups

Extroverted people enjoy large groups and regular social activities. For shy extroverts, large groups and socializing of this nature can be intimidating, even overwhelming.

Small groups of friends are better for you because they allow you to open up without too much pressure. And yes, shy extroverts can be the life of the party as well, just in a small group.

4. You’re usually mistaken for an introvert

While introverts and shy extroverts are similar in many ways, they are very different as well. While introverts get overstimulated at parties, shy extroverts just need a bit of a push to initiate conversations and socializing. When it comes to just being shy, all it takes is getting over the initial fear of speaking up about what’s on your mind.

5. No need for constant conversation

While extroverts can talk almost endlessly about everything, their shy counterparts need a pause every now and then. You need time to formulate well thought out answers instead of sudden rash statements. You definitely rather not have someone answer for you. Shy extroverts can conversate or not, it really doesn’t matter.

Struggles of the shy extrovert

Believe it or not, the shy extrovert struggles with many things. Yes, they love socializing, but they have little quirks that make things complicated at times. Here are a few downsides to being a shy person with the desire to make friends.

1. Drastic personality changes

On some days, the social butterfly can seem happy to make friends and go to exciting events. On other days, the shy extrovert may not have the same warmth at all. That’s why it takes a bit longer to make friends with them. If you do, however, the friendship will be genuine.

2. They usually have to be approached first

Even though they do love social atmospheres, in order to talk to them, you usually have to approach them first. Depending on the shy extrovert to walk up and start a conversation may have you waiting quite some time.

This is because of their initial fear of being the center of attention and meeting a possibly different personality type.

3. Friends come and go

A shy extrovert may make a new friend and even spend hours talking and socializing with that particular person. Here’s the odd part. The next time they see the same person, they may only wave and smile with no intention of approaching them for another conversation.

It could be fear or just the simple lack of need for stimulation from the same friend. It’s just another struggle that’s common among this personality type.

Could this be you?

After I took the Myers-Briggs personality test, I discovered that I was closest to an ambivert, but I still keep looking for clues that could pinpoint more deliberate characteristics.

While it’s fairly simple to recognize an introverted personality, the others can be a bit harder to detect. Pay attention to your reactions to social situations and meeting friends. These could be the best clues of your personality type. Who knows, you may be surprised by what you realize about yourself.

References:

• 6 Traits of an Honest Person & Why It’s Hard to Be One – August 6, 2020
• What to Do When You Are Feeling Hopeless? 7 Things That Help – July 28, 2020
• 6 Habits of People with a Magnetic Personality & How to Master Them – July 26, 2020

Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.

If you spend a lot of time on the internet, you’ve probably seen this picture.

In my case, the extrovert who adopted me was named Rose*, and she was one of my best friends throughout college. She played a huge role in how I developed over the years whether it’s good or bad. On one hand, I met my closest friends through her and had great conversations with her. On the other, she had a nasty tendency to create huge outings that made me uncomfortable and will sometimes wear me down from conversations — especially if it’s ones with other people!

Now, it’s important to note Rose and I aren’t generalizations of all extroverts and introverts. The pros and cons are from my observations of our friendship, and they may not apply to all extrovert-introvert friendships. Still, the idea might give you a foundational insight of what it’s like.

Pro: They will introduce you to your best friends.
As a shy introvert, I was both scared of approaching people and not comfortable in large social situations, so making friends was difficult. Sure, I was friendly with classmates and made some acquaintances, but it would be a long time before I found someone I’d consider my friend. In contrast, Rose the social butterfly will talk to anyone for hours and is very inclusive, so she made friends easily.

It’s through her I met my tight-knit group of friends in college, a lot of whom are also introverted. It’s also because of her I became a little more bold in starting conversations, and I was able to develop more personal connections.

Con: They believe in “The more, the merrier.”
This was definitely Rose’s biggest flaw throughout our entire friendship. She will invite anyone with whom she had a friendly conversation, which usually leads to giant group hangouts that will overwhelm me.

When I was planning my 21st birthday, I was hoping to visit a bar and restaurant with my closest friends. Rose helped me plan because she had already turned 21 and visited bars, so she was eager to give ideas. Unfortunately, when it comes to the invitation list, she kept bringing up various names. They ranged from people with whom I only had polite conversations to even people she was friends with, but I barely knew. I put my foot down and told her no, and she relented.

I don’t mind large groups sometimes, but I largely prefer a smaller setting with few people I personally know and can talk to — a fact I need to remind Rose every time she tries to pull me into a hangout with strangers. At least I know who to talk to if I need to spread awareness for an event.

Pro: They make great conversation.
With extroverts, you can have a near endless conversation. Introverts get their energy from a nice conversation, and an extrovert absolutely will provide you with lots of chatting. You won’t run out of subjects to talk and laugh about, and you feel more comfortable discussing various subjects from politics to television.

One thing I noticed with Rose is she has mastered small talk — a shy introvert’s worst nightmare. An amusing memory is when I said “Hi” to a classmate, and Rose immediately engaged in a lengthy exchange with her. By the time they parted ways, they already traded numbers and discussed future plans. It’s a magic trick to me.

This and other events taught me to put more effort into talking with other people. I might not ease into it as effortlessly as Rose, but I feel I’m more open to others than I was years ago.

Con: They make long conversation.
With extroverts, you can have a near endless conversation. Introverts also get their energy from solitude, and it can be a bit hard to do that when extroverts have a lot to say. It gets a lot worse if they’re chatting with other people.

This came up as a problem in my friendship with Rose. We’ll walk on campus and then see of her friends (or just an acquaintance!), and they’ll chat each other for what feels like an eternity. I’ll stand there waiting for it to end so we can move on, but it never does. There were a few times where I just walked away with a “See you around.”

Recently, when that happens, I’ve been joining the conversation more instead of standing around awkwardly, but small talk is just something I’ll never warm up to.

Regardless of the pros and cons, Rose is still one of my best friends in college. Like I said, she played a major part in how I grown the past four years. When I first met her as a freshmen, I was timid, friendless and incapable of talking to strangers. Now, I have more confidence in engaging others, and I have a gang of best friends. Whatever happens in the future, I will always be grateful to my extroverted friend.

I have recently met a boy in uni class and I find him really nice. His and my opinions are similar and we have interest in same subjects. He is shy and introvert. I am an introvert too but if I like someone then I will try hard to become friends with them. I don’t know how to become his friend.

12 Answers

talk to him one on one, and of course be careful not to spook him and scare him away. Key is to talk and ask questions you know he might want to respond to. Once you break the ice and get him to talking, probably won’t be able to shut him up if it is a subject that is one he is fervent about. But being around other people at the time he is less likely to open up and be responsive to you So key to talk one on one in a more private setting- few people around.

Ask him to do some kind of activity with you, where you can talk but aren’t stuck staring at each other thinking of what to say. As an introvert myself, it can be a relief to have something else to focus on if the social stimulation gets too much. Maybe a hike or mini-golf, something relaxed where you can chat but still have something to do. 🙂

Since you have like interests ask him if he would like to go for a cup of coffee or lunch with you to discuss one of these like interests or it could be something to do with the class whatever seems natural.

Why rush things? Same character, plenty of topics in common, what else are you worried about? You don’t need verbal permission to be friends. It’s something understood through action.

Just be a good listener. He will then know that you like him and after a while will open up more to you.

I love this! I am an extreme introvert and rarely talk in group settings, thus I have hard time making friends. My biggest pet peeve as an introvert is when people force being my friend and just try to talk to you about nothing. You have to know how to read the facial expression and body language of an introvert as you slowly talk with them. Don’t try to become friends with an introvert in a day, they will end up not liking you and distance themselves from you. You have to slowly befriend and introvert and get to know what topics in conversation turn them on. WE DO NOT LIKE SMALL TALK! We don’t care about the weather, sports, celebrities, and we don’t do fake laughter. We are all unique individuals who can talk and will talk endlessly once you find out what rests within our mind. We are complex people who seek to refrain in talking nonsense and small chat. Moral of the story you need patience and understanding to befriend an introvert.

You may want to find out what are the things he likes (do a little bit stalking! haha) and from there, you may start a conversation naturally.

Introversion is a personality trait. Introverted people tend to be more focused on internal feelings. They are usually quiet, reserved, and reflective.

Introversion and extroversion exist on opposite ends of a spectrum. Although some introverts enjoy being alone as often as possible, others like the occasional social gathering. Some introverts may also feel the need to “recharge” after socializing by spending time alone.

This article explains introversion, outlines the essential differences between extroversion and introversion, and provides information on identifying whether or not someone is an introvert.

Share on Pinterest Introverts gain their energy from within, rather than from their surroundings.

The terms “introvert” and “extrovert” originate from Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung’s theory of psychological type.

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), introverts tend toward their inner self, thoughts, and feelings. They are typically more withdrawn, reserved, and quiet, and they usually prefer to work alone.

They are very different from extroverts, who tend to be outgoing, sociable, and expressive individuals. Extroverts tend to seek social interaction and like being around other people.

Introverts obtain their energy from within, while extroverts prefer active involvement in events and activities involving other people.

Highly stimulating situations with lots of social interaction are draining for introverts, while these types of encounters tend to fuel extroverts.

Extroverts usually enjoy being with others and have outgoing personalities. They are comfortable in group settings and tend to have a large social circle. Unlike introverts, they gain energy from social situations.

A 2007 study suggests that extroverts react differently to dopamine. For extroverts, dopamine — when the body releases it in response to social interactions — elicits satisfaction. For introverts, the response to this kind of dopamine release is overstimulation.

Introverts are usually more comfortable in smaller groups or alone. They do not usually have big groups of friends and prefer to befriend or get to know a few people.

One 2015 study found that extroverts were happier overall than introverts. The study associated happiness with higher relationship quality. Some introverts did score highly for quality of social relationships, but they were in the minority.

Saturday, November 10, 2018

You want to meet people, form friendships and feel less alone, but you think that your introverted nature is an obstacle to achieving that?

In a society mainly designed for extroverts, you can think that somehow being quiet and introverted isn’t the right way to go, and that more extroverted personalities have it easier when it comes to interacting.

First, stop undermining your introverted nature! It’s not better or worse than being extroverted! In the world’s history, a lot of transformative leaders and creatives have been introverts. Studies estimate that a third to a half of the population are introverts, so there’s a lot more of you around than you might think!

According to Susan Cain, introversion’s not about shyness, which can resemble fear of social judgement, but is rather about how you respond to social stimulation. Ok, it’s not an absolute science but extroverts favour stimulation, whereas introverts feel at their best when they’re in quieter, more low-key environments.

You must understand that being an introvert is not a barrier! You do have things to offer to create a connection with a fellow human being. The key is to be in the right zone of stimulation and to understand the implicit rules of social interaction.

How do you make friends as an introvert?

To build relationships, we need to have positive social engagement, which is always easier if you’re in a valued social role.

“Social roles locate people in social space, structure the ways a person who makes a particular contribution usually shows up and acts and signal what others can expect from them in that role.

Social roles identify the different ways that people relate to one another, belong to each other, count on each other, and are responsible to each other. They point to the ways a person can contribute and make a difference in other people’s lives.”

We all know it’s easier to be in a comfortable social setting, but have you already asked yourself why you feel comfortable or uncomfortable in a given social situation?

The keys to social interaction and overcoming social isolation

You’re much more at ease when you’re in an environment where you can share your passions, interests, knowledge and abilities. That’s because you’re interacting around something you value. You being interested, makes you interesting!

• Let’s say you are crazy about Friends. You going to a quiz night around the TV show’s great because you’re knowledgeable about it. You can throw around some Friends inside jokes to fellow fans! Isn’t the best way to start a friendship?
• On the contrary, if you go to a chess night and know nothing about the game, it can be harder to talk about it with players for example. You might need to make more efforts to understand what’s going on and adopt the expected behaviour. You might find yourself in a situation when you’re just an observer and you’re not participating. And that’s not something you want to happen!

Find local events that you’ll love and will suit your interests, even if you feel socially awkward!

If you ask yourself where you can go, don’t worry any more! Befriend’s got you! You can find our events on Facebook and on our website. We’ve got a bunch of different events from crochet knitting to scavenger hunts!

If you don’t find anything interesting there, why not become a host and propose your own event around something that you’re passionate about?‼

In a past blog, I’ve defined introversion using the five W’s (Who, what, when, where, why and how). Yet, I have not covered a “how” question when it comes to the subject. The reason is because it deserves its own post to analyze the answers of “How does an introvert make friends?” This is particularly important in college because students are in entirely new setting surrounded by strangers. When we’re bogged down with homework and stress, we can definitely use a support system — even if it’s just one friend.

Most of my college friends are introverts, so I asked them that question.

From my friends’ answers, the best ways for an introvert to make friends in college is through projects, clubs, extroverts and the internet. We’ll examine all of these options and learn another important lesson introverts need to learn in creating friendships: Take the first step.

Engage in Projects
According to Apple co-founder, Steve Wozniak, most introverts prefer to work alone.

Most inventors and engineers I’ve met are like me — they’re shy and they live in their heads. They’re almost like artists. In fact, the very best of them are artists. And artists work best alone — best outside of corporate environments, best where they can control an invention’s design without a lot of people designing it for marketing or some other committee.

In college, however, students are inevitably going to be to put in group projects whether your partners are decided by you or your teacher. Either way, unless you already have friends in that class, you’re going to working with a company of strangers.

Being forced to talk to and cooperate with people you don’t know sounds like an awful situation, but this could be a positive note for an introvert. Everyone in that group is striving towards achieving the same goal of excelling (or just passing) the project, so it’s something you can bond over. Ideally, as you work together, you’ll become more comfortable to talk outside of the classroom.

Once the task is complete, you and your partners might go your separate ways or you’ll actually become friends. Regardless, class projects can be an effective way to get to know people.

Join a Club
One of the ways people become friends is through similar interests, and clubs are full of individuals that like same hobby you do. One defining traits of an introvert is they avoid small talk, but in a school club with a common activity, it’s easier to have genuine discussions with other members.

When I was a member of my school’s book club, I was surrounded by fellow introverts. This actually encouraged me to take the lead in discussions, and eventually everyone would warm up to each other as we reviewed the book of the month.

Be Friends With an Extrovert
This has been discussed in my blog post, “The Pros and Cons of Being Friends With an Extrovert,” but it’s a concept still worth revisiting. One of the best ways for an introvert to make friends is through other friends. A lot of extroverts are friendly and inclusive, so some of their friends would also be introverts. I met the majority of my best friends in college through my extroverted friend, and all but one were also introverts. For that, I’m always grateful to that pal.

Find Them Online
The internet is a vast area where you can do almost anything — including making friends. You can get involved in discussions and games with anyone around the world, and you don’t even have to reveal your identity. Not to mention, if the chatting gets too long and awkward, you can just step away from the electronics.

Keep in mind, however, an introvert is still an introvert even if the conversation is online. The anonymity means less chance of being judged and it enables us to show more of our true personality. It will still take time before we can officially call you a friend. In social media, we’re more particular with accepting friend requests because we only want the ones with whom we actually have personal connections.

Take the First Step
This a lesson applying to everyone, but introverts should hear this because our reluctance to engage with others will be detrimental to forming friendships. It’s terrifying if you’re shy and bothersome if you’re introverted, but approaching people is the most important step towards receiving that companionship.

About two year ago, I saw a girl sitting by herself with her laptop. She had a sticker of a show I enjoyed, so I went up to her and complimented it. At first, she looked bewildered and wary — the exact emotions any introvert would feel if a stranger came up to you. Once we got past the stiff introductions and small talk, we realized we had a lot in common. As of this writing, she’s one of my best friends.

There are numerous methods to making friends in college. Regardless of whether you identify as an introvert, extrovert or in-between, the most important way to make a friend is to take the first step. It can be a tougher process for introverts since we take a lot of time to warm up to someone, but it’s important to just try. Everyone needs at least someone they can to and laugh with in the stressful years of college.

I have recently met a boy in uni class and I find him really nice. His and my opinions are similar and we have interest in same subjects. He is shy and introvert. I am an introvert too but if I like someone then I will try hard to become friends with them. I don’t know how to become his friend.

12 Answers

talk to him one on one, and of course be careful not to spook him and scare him away. Key is to talk and ask questions you know he might want to respond to. Once you break the ice and get him to talking, probably won’t be able to shut him up if it is a subject that is one he is fervent about. But being around other people at the time he is less likely to open up and be responsive to you So key to talk one on one in a more private setting- few people around.

Ask him to do some kind of activity with you, where you can talk but aren’t stuck staring at each other thinking of what to say. As an introvert myself, it can be a relief to have something else to focus on if the social stimulation gets too much. Maybe a hike or mini-golf, something relaxed where you can chat but still have something to do. 🙂

Since you have like interests ask him if he would like to go for a cup of coffee or lunch with you to discuss one of these like interests or it could be something to do with the class whatever seems natural.

Why rush things? Same character, plenty of topics in common, what else are you worried about? You don’t need verbal permission to be friends. It’s something understood through action.

Just be a good listener. He will then know that you like him and after a while will open up more to you.

I love this! I am an extreme introvert and rarely talk in group settings, thus I have hard time making friends. My biggest pet peeve as an introvert is when people force being my friend and just try to talk to you about nothing. You have to know how to read the facial expression and body language of an introvert as you slowly talk with them. Don’t try to become friends with an introvert in a day, they will end up not liking you and distance themselves from you. You have to slowly befriend and introvert and get to know what topics in conversation turn them on. WE DO NOT LIKE SMALL TALK! We don’t care about the weather, sports, celebrities, and we don’t do fake laughter. We are all unique individuals who can talk and will talk endlessly once you find out what rests within our mind. We are complex people who seek to refrain in talking nonsense and small chat. Moral of the story you need patience and understanding to befriend an introvert.

You may want to find out what are the things he likes (do a little bit stalking! haha) and from there, you may start a conversation naturally.

Main Difference – Introvert vs Extrovert

Introvert and extrovert are two words that describe people with opposing qualities. An introvert is a shy and reticent person whereas an extrovert is an outgoing and overtly expressive person. This difference in personalities is the main difference between introvert and extrovert.

This article explores,

1. Who is an Introvert?
– Definition, Qualities, Characteristics

2. Who is an Extrovert?
– Definition, Qualities, Characteristics

3. What is the difference between Introvert and Extrovert?

Who is an Introvert

An introvert is a shy and reserved person. An introvert may keep his thoughts to himself and rarely express his opinions and ideas. He or she is also more concerned with his or her own thoughts and feelings rather than external things. So an introvert may display reserved and solitary behavior. They would be interested in solitary activities such as reading, writing, using computers, fishing, and hiking.

Introverts are unlikely to enjoy spending time with large groups of people although they do enjoy being with close friends. They may also find it difficult and mentally draining to befriend new people. Most writers, artists, sculptors, composers, inventors, and other professions that mainly involve solitary work are usually highly introverted people.

Some psychologists have claimed that introverts’ energy expands during reflection and dwindles during interactions. Introverts usually prefer to attempt one activity at a time and like to observe situations before they participate. They are also more likely to think well before they speak. Introverts also do not like sudden changes since they like plans and set goals.

Who is an Extrovert

An extrovert is an outgoing and overtly expressive person. Extroverts tend to be talkative, outgoing, assertive, unreserved and friendly. They may have no problem communicating their thoughts and ideas to everyone. They enjoy being around other people and become energized by social interactions. Thus, extroverts take pleasure in participating in large social gatherings such as parties, public demonstrations, and community activities. Extroverts are likely to enjoy spending time with other people and may find being alone boring. Therefore, they usually prefer teamwork, rather than solitary work.

Extroverts may also have many friends, and find it very easy to make new friends. They would not analytically think before speaking like introverts. Unlike introverts, they may find sudden changes adventurous and challenging and accept them without any difficulty.

Difference Between Introvert and Extrovert

Qualities

Introvert: Introverts are reserved, reticent and appear shy.

Extrovert: Extroverts are outgoing, talkative, assertive and friendly.

Mental vs External

Introvert: Introverts are more concerned with ideas and thoughts than external things.

Extrovert: Extroverts are more concerned with external things.

Solitary Environment

Introvert: Introverts may prefer to spend time alone.

Extrovert: Extroverts may find it boring to spend time alone.

Social Outings

Introvert: Introverts may find it mentally draining to be with large groups of people.

Extrovert: Extroverts may find it energizing to be with large groups of people.

Friends

Introvert: Introverts may have few friends and will find it difficult to make new friends.

Extrovert: Extroverts usually have many friends and have no problem befriending strangers.

Changes

Introvert: Introverts may find sudden changes disconcerting.

Extrovert: Extroverts find changes challenging and adventurous; they also adjust easily.

Expressing

Introvert: Introverts openly communicate about themselves with those they know and trust.

Extrovert: Extroverts talk about themselves freely and openly.

Actions

Introvert: Introverts always think twice before speaking.

Extrovert: Extroverts may talk as they think.

About the Author: Hasa

Hasa has a BA degree in English, French and Translation studies. She is currently reading for a Masters degree in English. Her areas of interests include literature, language, linguistics and also food.

How to make friends *as* an introvert:

Make friends before you become an introvert and stick with them for as long as you can. I got lucky.

ya im somewhat of an introvert

and like the introvert i am

im waiting for someone to try and befriend me them selves cuz i sense i forgot how to talk and make eye contact with a human being ._.

or was it all the dirty jokes

pffft i have no idea

How to befriend me:
1. Treat me like a human being
2. Don’t call me a freak
3. Don’t betray me or tell lies or rumours about me like lots of my former “friends” did

Maybe feed me with chocolate and pet my head

Blend Images – Terry Vine / Brand X Pictures / Getty Images

Being shy and being introverted aren’t the same thing, although they may look the same. An introvert enjoys time alone and gets emotionally drained after spending a lot of time with others. A shy person doesn’t necessarily want to be alone but is afraid to interact with others.

Consider two children in the same classroom, one introverted and one shy. The teacher is organizing an activity for all the children in the room. The introverted child wants to remain at her desk and read a book because she finds being with all the other children stressful. The shy child wants to join the other children but remains at her desk because she is afraid to join them.

Children can be helped to overcome their shyness, but introversion is as much a part of a person as is hair or eye color.

In other words, people can get therapy for shyness, but not for introversion. Not all introverts are shy. In fact, some have excellent social skills.   However, after engaging in social activities, an introvert will be emotionally drained and need time alone to “recharge” their emotional batteries.

While therapy can help the shy person, trying to turn an introvert into an outgoing extrovert can cause stress and lead to problems with self-esteem. Introverts can learn coping strategies to help them deal with social situations, but they will always be introverts.

If you think your child might be an introvert, you might want to look at some of the traits of introversion and see how many of them your child has.

How to Help Your Introverted Child?

The first thing to do is to recognize that introversion is not a disorder that requires some kind of treatment. In that sense, your introverted child doesn’t really need help. However, to ensure that your child is happy and healthy, there are some things you can do.  

The best thing you can do for your child is to understand introversion and accept that this is a normal personality trait.

Accept that your child may not be the social butterfly you hoped she’d be, that your home might not be filled with lots of your child’s friends on a regular basis. Accept that your child will no doubt enjoy spending lots of time alone. Accept that your child may have just a few close friends.

If you can accept these traits, then you will be less likely to push your child to engage in more social activities than he feels comfortable with.

Be sure, too, to provide some time for your child to wind down after social activities. If your child has been to a party, for example, don’t be surprised if she wants to spend some time alone.   Going from one social activity to another, even a family dinner, can be a bit stressful for a child and make her a little cranky.

Raising an introverted child can be difficult, especially for extroverted parents. But like all children, what they need most is love and understanding.

How to Train Shy, Introverted People

Do we treat shy or introverted people any different from other trainees? We should. This relates back to my differentiated learning post. This will be a short blog–especially short for me.

Everyone has encountered that person at work who doesn’t look at you, stays buried in paperwork or the computer, sneaks off to lunch and leaves right on time. He or she rarely has any contact with others. We have to distinguish whether the person is an introvert or painfully shy; they aren’t always the same thing.

Introverts don’t care much to be with others to a varying degree. For example, I’m an introvert, yet I still managed to be on stage as an actor, speaker, teacher. So, that definition of introvert fits more how I re-fuel. Introverts re-fuel by a quiet activity like reading, watching television. After every performance or rehearsal, I would need an hour of downtime. The extrovert gains energy from social contact and can drive an introvert absolutely crazy, depending on how far apart they are. So, what we are dealing with is someone who is not so much an introvert, but an extremely shy person.

Aren’t we and and the employer concerned with how this shy person does his or her job? My second question: How did this person get a job in the first place? Perhaps, it was a job that he or she only had to take a test for, meet briefly with the supervisor, and not say much at all. Government maybe? Entry-level position. I doubt this person will be able to fight for any promotion but he or she will always look good on paper since there is no contact there. For ease of writing, let’s just name the “person” Doris or Bill and they are interchangeable so no arguments about sex.

Everyone deals with the lack of recognition differently–even shy people, and probably–different from the sexes as well. Doris is always in tears in her supervisor’s office. She feels she has tried and tried and tried. She has a great resume, but no people skills and doesn’t show any initiative, which would be a risk she would have to take in dealing with other people.

Bill has a family, and, although his job is steady and his wife works, there is a strain on their marriage because his wife now makes more money than he does and doesn’t understand why he can’t get a raise or a promotion. Neither does he.

Like Doris, he looks good on paper.

The shy types lack confidence, self-esteem perhaps (shyness is not always due to low self-esteem), the ability to mingle with fellow workers, or need to face the realistic fact that their employer is not going to promote someone like Doris or Bill who need to deal with the public when they clearly can’t. Employment is rarely a competition of who made the best resume, although there are people who make resumes for people who would tell you otherwise.

What do most employers do to deal with a Doris or Bill? They fire them for incompetence, for not being able to do their jobs.

• The ideal would be to send them to a therapist or even a trainer who specializes in building confidence and helping them navigate the corporate/company world.
• The same person or someone in HR could help them prepare for interviews.
• The company HR could also set up a work plan that uses little steps to make Doris or Bill more comfortable with social contact.

They don’t have to be the nerds of the office. And, if you are the one providing the answer, all the better. I’m sure we’ll think up more ways to train as we go. Please send questions or comments. I’d love to hear from you.

As the Host of the Blog site, I ask that you take a look at my new blog that focuses on other topics than training. My training/speech blog is still out there, but I’m letting it die in cyber space. My best selling e-book, The Cave Man Guide to Training and Development is out. I need to tell you that I know Cave Man is not spelled that way and that is on purpose. The Cave is where we work, play and live. Read the book and you’ll get it. I hope to have two more following it soon. I also have a futuristic e-novel, Harry’s Reality, a look at what happens when society gives up control of the mismanaged dying planet to an evolving artificial intelligence. It is also available at any book store that sells e-books for direct downloads to your e-reader, and directly through Smashwords. By the way on my blog site you’ll find snippets of the novel and a coupon for a free download of my novel through Smashwords. Happy training.

For more resources about training, see the Training library.