Ways to Ensure Your Relationship Is Happy and Healthy
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Good relationships don’t just happen, they take dedication and work. But you also need to know what to work at. Here are some tips for a happy and healthy lesbian relationship.
Don’t Expect to Get Your Needs Met
Expecting someone else to meet your needs is a failed concept. Instead, focus on taking care of yourself and what you can do to support your partner. This will bring out the best in both of you.
Establish Meaningful Rituals
Whether you take a walk after dinner each night or make pizza together every Friday night, establishing rituals allows you to stay in touch with each others’ lives. Make dates on Saturdays or even just doing regular household chores together, like cleaning or grocery shopping helps keep you connected.
Work on Improving Yourself
For a relationship to be healthy, you need to grow and change. Work on yourself and also on trying to be a better partner. Try on new behaviors. Take some risks.
Have More Positive Than Negative Interactions
Try to have a five-to-one ratio of positive to negative interactions. Give more compliments, hugs, affection, and appreciation than negative comments or blaming. Better yet, try to eliminate negative comments altogether.
Surprise Her!
Keep things exciting with surprises. Take her on a special date night, sneak a love note into her briefcase, send her flowers, bring her lunch at work. Buy her tickets to her favorite musician or write her a song and sing it to her while she’s in the tub. Surprises little and big are important to keep things fresh.
Take Care of Yourself
No one is a good partner if they’re stressed out and unhappy. Make sure you take the time for yourself to stay healthy. Eat right, exercise, do yoga, take alone time when you need it. The better you feel about yourself, the more you’re going to be able to give to your relationship.
Develop Common Interests
Nothing kills a relationship faster than sitting around on a couch, looking at each other with bored looks on your faces. You’re going to be spending a lot of time together, get involved in something that excites both of you. It can be golfing, traveling, or volunteering at the local animal shelter. Find your common interests and develop them into pleasurable experiences.
Be Kind, Not Right
Whether you’re right or wrong is not really the issue. Think about not being right, but about what you want, which is to have a loving relationship. Spend more time being kind and you’ll argue less and enjoy each other more.
Fight Fair
When fights or arguments do happen, don’t say things in the heat of the moment that may damage your relationship. Walk away to cool off and come back to the discussion later.
Make Alone Time a Priority
Your lives may get busy with work, children and social activities, but make sure you schedule in time each week for alone time. It’s great if this time is something fun, like a date night or sexy time, but even just turning off the TV and sitting on the back porch and talking about your hopes for the future can bring you much closer together.
There is no such thing as the “One” perfect partner, but there are some out there that are perfect for you. There are a myriad number of ways to go about finding a partner these days. Work, church, dating sites and recreational activity groups are great places to start. But, you have to know what you are looking for and what to avoid. If you have had a few relationships in the past, you can start by looking at why those relationships failed and whether you tend to fall for the same type of person that ultimately never works out. Are you making the same mistakes over and over again? Take a hard look at who you are choosing and why, then do something different. Einstein said that doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result is the definition of insanity, and you might be doing the same thing in your relationships.
Here are six ways to find the right partner for you:
1. Avoid Mr. and Mrs. Wrong
The best partner for a fulfilling relationship is one who is warm, cooperative and emotionally stable. This might seem a little boring at first, but consider car crashes for a second. They are exciting, but would you want to be in one? Exciting times can be dangerous times. Do you want a long-lasting, productive and mutually beneficial relationship? Then, you need to look for the personality traits that will lead to that outcome. The highly attractive but moody artist might seem exciting and sexy until you have endured one of their violent mood swings. Dangerous, exciting and unpredictable might be thrilling, but it is also emotionally exhausting. You want someone who is going to fill your emotional cup, not drain it.
2. Find Someone You Can Talk To
Being able to talk with your partner about important topics is probably worth more than physical beauty, money or power. If you can’t open up with your partner and have them do the same, then you aren’t in a positive relationship. You might fight and bicker from time to time, but you are open and honest about what you are feeling and what you want out of life. There are no surprises for either of you.
3. Avoid Deal Breakers
You might want a family and they are adamantly against it. Maybe they smoke and you can’t stand smoking. There are some things that are just deal breakers, and you should stick to your guns. They may be perfectly acceptable in every other respect, but these things are important to you and will cause issues in the future. There will be recurring arguments and fights over these things, no matter how perfect the relationship is otherwise. There are plenty of people out there that possess the same qualities without the deal breakers, and you shouldn’t stop looking until you find that person.
4. Find Someone Who Makes You Laugh
Some say that laughter is the best medicine, but it is also the best relationship glue. There are going to be tough times, and someone who can take your mind off stressful or emotionally difficulties is worth their weight in gold. Find someone who makes you laugh just about every day. If they can make you laugh at silly or not so obvious things, then it means you are mentally on the same wavelength. It means you see things in a similar way and that your beliefs and desires are pretty similar. It also means they don’t take themselves too seriously and are more laid-back and forgiving.
5. Opposites Attract
This is an old cliché, but it is a cliché for a reason. If you are too similar, then the things that annoy you about yourself will only get reflected back and magnified by your partner. You will drive each other nuts. You will also tend to get bored if they are exactly like you. It is good to have different strengths and weaknesses than your partner. Try and look at it this way. A battery has two poles – a positive and a negative. It could not work if both were positive or both were negative. The positive and negative complement each other, which helps make a battery powerful. Relationships are the same way. Your strengths should complement your partner’s weaknesses and vice versa. This will make for a powerful bond and a productive relationship.
6. Don’t Rush
You are a couple of months into a new relationship and things are going great. You want to move in together and get hitched because you are madly in love. If this is true, then giving it some time to mature will only strengthen your bond, not weaken it. Take the time to get to know the person before rushing into a life-changing partnership. Good relationships, like scotch, only get better with age, whereas bad relationships can sour and turn to vinegar after a time. Find out which it is before jumping into anything permanent.
The hustle and bustle of modern life often makes it difficult to connect with other women. Many people find that their work life doesn’t allow much time for dating, or that existing circle of friends don’t bring the opportunity to come into contact with fresh faces. Whatever the cause, more and more people are turning to lesbian dating sites, and with good reason too…
Lesbian Dating with EliteSingles
According to recent statistics, the LGBT community makes up roughly 5% of the American population, but where are all the lesbian singles? Unless gay bars are your thing, dating is a game of guess and check; knowing who is gay, let alone who is single and interested in more than friendship, can be quite a challenge. That’s where EliteSingles comes in. Unlike some lesbian dating sites that only focus on the fact that you’re women seeking women, our dating agency is also all about compatibility. We’re here to remove the guess-work by connecting you to like-minded single women. What’s more, all our members are here to find a long-lasting and committed relationship, making us a great site to meet single, gay women looking for real love.
Our Matchmaking: Finding the Right Person for You
In a national survey of the biological and cultural factors behind attraction, women generally indicated that the most sought-after features in a partner were humor, intelligence, honesty, kindness and strong values, ranked in that order.
What factors are important to you when it comes to choosing a partner in great relationships? Are you a single parent dating, for example? Or a busy professional woman? In order to find out as much as possible about your preferences and partner requirements, EliteSingles asks all new members to fill out an extensive questionnaire so we can match you with singles that are truly compatible – we understand there’s nothing more beautiful than meeting someone who just gets you.
We aim to introduce you to your unique match, singles who are just right for you – if you prefer to stay in and read books or are a social butterfly, we select and send you profiles based on your goals, lifestyle and partner preferences to review. This is just one of the factors that set us apart from other lesbian dating sites!
EliteSingles offers a premium online matchmaking service and, accordingly, our method attracts the very best lesbian singles to our site. Ready to meet someone great? Give yourself the best chance at long-lasting love and join EliteSingles today. Register with us, complete our questionnaire and create your profile, then we’ll send you between 3-7 great matches daily – it couldn’t be simpler! You are also free to browse through additional profiles using our ‘Have you met…’ feature.
If you are a gay woman and want to meet singles who are serious about relationships, EliteSingles sets itself apart to other dating sites in that our goal is to match you with people who want to a future and have a view of long-term love.
Meet Lesbian Singles in the US Who Want to Find Love
Hook-up and causal encounter apps have well and truly reached peak popularity, but it’s certainly not for everyone. If you are looking for something more serious, rest assured that you’re not the only one – a report of same-sex relationships in America by the Williams Institute found that as many as 45% of all same-sex couples were now married. Last summer, 1 in 10 weddings in the United States were for marriages of same-sex couples!
The EliteSingles dating app is available on iOs and Android and the site is fully optimized for mobile. Using lesbian dating apps means you can connect and chat on the go. The reviews are in and this app provides a platform for people to find suitable single women who match your preferences.
With easy accessibility, if you are interested in an appealing profile you can send and receive messages, take the time to chat and get to know each other. And when you’re ready we have practical tips for meeting online and making it work offline – from the first message to the first date, we have it covered.
Women across the US are looking for fellow single lesbians using our service – from New York City to San Francisco and loads of places in between! Plus you won’t find frivolous relationships with girls who’ll waste your time here – the women on our site are mature, intelligent and worth meeting. So if you feel it’s time to get serious about lesbian dating, sign up to EliteSingles and greatly increase the likelihood of finding a compatible partner; think of it as boosting your luck in love!
EliteSingles believes that the important things in life shouldn’t be left to chance. So if you’re sick of waiting around for Mrs. Right to walk into your life, it’s time to register with lesbian dating. If it’s your first time using online dating, there’s no need to feel apprehensive –our dedicated customer care team are there to ensure all your questions are answered. So take your love life into your own hands and sign-up today, you never know who’s out there looking for someone just like you!
Of course, it’s tricky to predict which exact singles will hit it off, but our personality test goes a long way in matching like-minded singles. The 10-part personality test aims to get a thorough understanding of your character via analysis of 5 fundamental traits; openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness and neuroticism. It’s the proven way to make more effective and reliable matches, meaning you won’t waste time on bad matches…
To truly get the most out of service, be sure to check out the expert tips in our online magazine. Looking for fun date ideas? Or need to make a great second impression? Or perhaps you’re struggling to move on from an ex? Want to know more about compatibility or compromise? We can offer expert help in all matters of the heart. It’s just one of the ways we surpass other lesbian dating sites – we’re here to help you find lasting love, and are with you from first message to happily ever after!
Tips for making good choices about dating, relating and mating.
Posted Oct 21, 2011
Some people have what I have come to call “broken pickers.” They just can’t seem to pick good partners for themselves. If this is something you’re dealing with, here are some tips for making good choices when it comes to dating and mating.
1. People will tell you exactly who they are; it’s up to you to listen. If someone says they’re usually in a bad mood or don’t know how to be monogamous, hear what they are saying and don’t assume you can change them.
2. Take a test drive. Go for an eight-hour drive with your intended. Whatever difficulties you may have will make themselves painfully obvious. This test is not for the faint of heart.
3. Look for someone who is kind and loving. If you’re really lucky, your partner will also have a family that taught him or her how to be that way. Having in-laws who treat you like a member of the family will make your life much nicer.
4. Make sure the person you’re seeing doesn’t smoke, even if you do. If he or she is a nonsmoker, it may get you to stop. Think of it this way: You’re choosing happiness over death.
5. Find someone you can talk to. As time passes, this quality is more important than looks, money, or position. If you can’t talk to your partner or cry on his or her shoulder, it’s not going to be a good match.
6. Make sure you have the basics in common. For example, if one of you wants children and the other doesn’t, it’s probably a deal breaker. Spiritual and political differences can also be difficult to deal with — as we age, our feelings in these areas tend to intensify.
7. Make sure that you have enough differences that, if you are unable to go out, you can still entertain each other. If someone is just like you, it might get a little boring as time goes by.
8. Physical compatibility has more to do with touch than it does with sex. If you’re a tactile person, you need to be with someone who shares that desire. People’s desire for sex changes over a lifetime, but our need for touch remains fairly constant.
9. Beware of people who want to get married immediately. Engagements were created for a reason. They used to call them “handfasts,” and they lasted for a year and a day. Things move much quicker these days, but it’s wise to know someone for at least six months before getting engaged.
10. Find someone who makes you laugh. A sense of humor can help you overcome many of life’s obstacles. If someone can make you smile when you don’t feel like it, that’s a great quality.
There are no guarantees in life. It isn’t possible to be absolutely sure about anyone. Take your time; listen to your friends and to your intuition. Picking the right person for the right reasons at the right time is an art form.
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I was straight until I wasn’t. And I think that’s the way it goes for a lot of women. You don’t know you’re interested in pursuing a woman for more than friendship until you know. But once you know, well, there’s a lot to discover. And I don’t mean that in a gross way.
When I started dating the first woman I ever dated (shout out to my wife), I was moderately terrified. I didn’t know how to be, what to say, what to touch and when to touch it. There are so many unspoken rules, it would take a cryptologist to decipher them. A lesbian cryptologist. Mainly because women are complicated, but in the best way. (Disclaimer: There really aren’t any rules if you’re dating the right person.)
So now that I’m married to a woman, and I’m still basically an expert at being terrible at dating, I’ve rounded up some of the questions I was afraid to ask when I first started dating a woman. I don’t necessarily know the right answers, if there even are right answers, but I know what worked for me. And if you or someone you know is a budding lesbian (or queer, bisexual, none of the above, or whatever term you prefer), these questions might be a good starting point.
1. How do I know if a woman is interested in me in a romantic way?
If she identifies as being a lesbian, and you feel like she’s being flirty with you, she’s probably interested. If she doesn’t identify as being a lesbian (or someone who is romantically attracted to women), and you feel a more-than-friends connection, you might still be right. Either way, the best thing to do is to just ask. Which of course can be super awk, but only if you let it. And side note, just because she’s a lesbian and being friendly, definitely doesn’t mean she’s automatically interested.
2. Who pays?
Generally speaking, whoever wants to. Often times, whoever does the asking will pay. It’s nice to be able to share the responsibility of paying for dates, that way neither of your bank accounts get hit too hard. Same goes for straight relationships too, I suppose. But this isn’t about them. This is about us right now.
3. Does one of us need to be more masculine?
No, no, no and no. I mean, if it happens, that’s totally fine. But if you’re both feminine, you can both be feminine. If you’re both masculine, you can both be masculine. Or if you flip flop between the two—also fine. There are no rules. Masculinity is subjective anyway.
4. What if I don’t know how to do sex with a woman?
Most first timers don’t. Women tend to be pretty patient and forgiving when it comes to sex. Let her know your apprehensions, and she’ll likely talk you through it. Or you can turn to the Internet for some tutorials, but those tend to be the opposite of realistic. My advice—trust yourself. You got this.
5. What if I hate sex with a woman?
You might, and that’s OK. Relationships aren’t only about sex. Once you fall in love, the sex thing tends to fall into place. But if it doesn’t, you may be with the wrong person (or gender), or maybe you just don’t like sex. If that’s the case, open communication will be key.
6. Do I need protection for girl-on-girl sex?
It’s always smart to be safe. Ask the right questions (aka, “Do you have any STDs?”). Maybe even get tested together before you have sex to be sure. You can also try using a dental dam, which is a thin square of latex used during oral sex to prevent STDs. It’s sort of like wearing a condom, but for women. But no one really uses them anymore. In fact, it may be hard to find a place that sells them. Which I suppose makes them vintage and cool again?
7. Do we need to move in together after three dates?
The old joke, “What does a lesbian bring on her third date? A U-Haul” is a joke for a reason. It’s an exaggeration of truth. Female relationships tend to move more quickly than straight relationships. But the answer is absolutely not. Move in together if and when you’re ready. So, after four dates. Just kidding.
8. Will I feel weird about holding hands with a woman in public?
Maybe? But hopefully not. The truth is, some women who are in healthy, long-term relationships still don’t feel 100 percent comfortable showing affection in public—especially if they’re in a place that isn’t very progressive—while other women care zero amounts what other people may or may not be thinking.
9. How do I tell my family?
You know your family best. It’s never fun to live a lie, but if you’re still figuring this part of yourself out, there’s no rush to tell anyone. I told my family by just telling them. I made some sort of joke (because that’s what I do), and then probably said, “Haha, no but seriously.”
10. Will our periods sync?
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Apart from certain legal inequities and social constraints, a lesbian relationship is just like any romantic relationship. Generally speaking, most people want healthy, happy partners for life. If you’re a lesbian, you probably have thought about the qualities you seek in a girlfriend. You’re likely concerned about your relationships and want to feel sure that you have chosen the right partner. But what about yourself? Do you have all the qualities your girlfriend wants? Are you the ‘perfect’ lesbian girlfriend? While nobody’s perfect, here’s your guide to making sure you’re a compassionate, caring, desirable partner.
Step 1
Take the time to cultivate a healthy relationship with yourself. You need to be happy and fulfilled with your own life before you can truly experience happiness with someone else. Self-love is always the first step toward creating loving relationships with others.
Step 2
Don’t rush the beginning stages of a new relationship. Resist the “urge to merge” and to spend too much time together too soon. Take things slowly. Get acquainted with your girlfriend’s emotional, sexual and social behavior so that you’ll know what to expect from a long-term relationship.
Step 3
Communicate well. Be observant and be a good listener. Talk about her needs, desires and contradictions, as well as your own. Communication is essential to any relationship — whether it involves a serious discussion, a conflict or just laughing together about something trivial. Invest your energy in developing communication skills that will greatly improve every aspect of your lives together.
Step 4
Be honest, authentic and trustworthy. Before you can commit to someone — and before she can commit to you — there must be a foundation of trust. Without honesty, there can be no trust. Tell the truth. Keep promises. Be sincere. Show your girlfriend that you are always real and genuine. Let her see that you can be trusted with her love and commitment.
Step 5
Compromise when necessary. Accept the fact that you won’t always get your way. This shouldn’t involve forgoing your basic principles or devaluing yourself, but there will be occasional situations that call for compromise — for example, going to a social event or a family function that you would prefer not to attend. Most importantly, don’t keep a mental tally of little compromises. Just know that they are the stuff successful relationships are made of.
Step 6
Respect boundaries and acknowledge differences. There could be financial disparities between you, for instance, or maybe you come from different religious backgrounds. Perhaps you’re out to everyone, while she is closeted to her parents or colleagues. If there are fundamental differences between you, don’t push her to change. Let the changes happen naturally. Don’t expect or force her to modify something basic about herself. If you want her to change that much, then the two of you shouldn’t be in a relationship.
Step 7
Accept your girlfriend unconditionally. Respect her as a person. When you truly love someone, you accept her for who she is, not who you want her to be. Ideally, you will inspire one another and bring out the best in each other. But nobody’s perfect. And no one can ever be all things to you, all the time. Nevertheless, you can aspire to perfection yourself by loving her unconditionally — and, if you do, you will be loved in return.
Stereotyping is a necessary evil. Stereotyping simplifies complex information so our brains can easily understand it, reducing the amount of processing we go through when seeing or meeting new people That said, it also causes us to generalize. If we see one hipster drinking PBR and wearing an “Everyone loves Grandpa!” T-shirt, our brain is like, #YesAllHipsters.
When it comes to lesbians, I was curious if the stereotypes had a basis in reality, partly because I am a former gym teacher who drives a truck and loves cats and has a wardrobe that’s 90 percent flannel. I’ve probed the data to see if the old lines about U-Hauling, lesbian bed death and others had any statistical sway. The results were surprising.
1. U-Hauling.
The most common lesbian joke is often attributed to comedian Lea Delaria, who once remarked: “What does a lesbian bring on a second date? A U-Haul.” This plays into the notion that queer women tend to move in together at lightning-fast speeds. While there are no significant statistics comparing the cohabitation speeds of queer vs. straight women, there is some science that pinpoints why a lesbian couple might move in together sooner than a hetero couple. Some of these reasons have to do with societal norms, financial benefits and hormones.
“U-hauling happens for two reasons,” explains clinical psychologist Lauren Costine at AfterEllen. “Biologically our brains are wired for a relationships and connection. We emit much more oxytocin than men. Oxytocin is a hormone women emit when they’re falling in love, having sex, or breastfeeding. It’s biological encouragement to attach. It feels so good that for some women, in this case lesbians, they can’t get enough. Since there’s two women, there’s twice as much oxytocin floating around.”
And we all know what happens when you leave oxytocin floating around: trips to Bed, Bath and Beyond.
2. Processing.
Another oft-recited stereotype is that lesbians are known to process everything to death. Q: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: I don’t know. Should we use LEDs? What wattage? Are these recyclable? Maybe this is a sign we should be lowering our carbon footprint. Let’s make a pro and con list of solar panel options and revisit this next year.
Processing is the tendency to overanalyze and overdiscuss every aspect that can be analyzed or discussed. When it comes to relationships, it turns out this works in lesbians’ favor. According to a 12-year study by John Gottman of the University of Washington and Robert Levenson of the UC Berkeley, gay and lesbian couples are excellent communicators who use fewer “controlling, hostile emotional tactics” when fighting, such as belligerence, domineering, and fear. “The difference on these ‘control’ related emotions suggests that fairness and power-sharing between the partners is more important and more common in gay and lesbian relationships than in straight ones,” Gottman explained.
3. Lesbian bed death.
The dreaded “bed death,” or the notion that lesbians in committed relationships stop having sex with each other, is a touchy topic. According to Karen Blair, a professor at St. Francis Xavier University and a member of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sex, only 15 percent of lesbian couples engage in sex more than twice a week, compared to 50 percent or more of other comparison groups (straight couples and gay men).
But! While it’s true that lesbians have less frequent sex than their straight counterparts, lesbian sex lasts far longer:
“Women in same-sex relationships reported significantly longer durations of sexual encounters than individuals in all three comparison groups, with their median duration falling within the 30 to 45 minute range, compared to the 15 to 30 minute range most commonly reported by participants in other types of relationships.” Also, almost 10 percent of lesbians get it on for more than two hours, compared to 1.9 percent of straight couples.
“Furthermore,” Blair explains, “very few women in same-sex relationships reported very brief sexual encounters, possibly providing a hint as to why their sexual frequency numbers tend to be lower than the other three groups.”
4. Lesbians know how to please their partners.
No doubt partially due to lesbians’ excellent communication skills and lengthy lap-nap sessions, lesbians have more orgasms than straight and bi women. A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine polled 1,497 men and 1,353 women who’d been sexually active within the past year. Participants were asked to state their gender, sexual orientation and the percentage of time they orgasmed “with a familiar partner.”
Researchers found that heterosexual women reported orgasming just 61.6 percent of the time, and bisexual women following close behind with 58 percent. Lesbians, however, reported coming 74.7 percent of the sexytime.
Way to bring your gAy game, wimmin.
5. The L Word: Lesbians love Leisha.
According to data culled from its four million users, online dating site OkCupid revealed in a survey that “The L Word” was not only the most common phrase used on lesbians’ profiles, it was used so frequently it didn’t even fit on the graph relative to the amount of times lesbians used it. Analysts had to shrink it down to fit OkC’s template. Love it or hate it, if you like ladies, you probably watched the Showtime series that aired from 2004 to 2009. More than once.
Also unsurprising is the prevalence of Tegan and Sara and Ani DiFranco mentions, as well as cult fave TV show “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” which featured one of the first lesbian kiss scenes on U.S. television.
6. Lesbians are kinkier and druggier.
Curiously, straight women were more “into sports” (so there goes that lesbian stereotype?), as well as optimistic and far more likely to identify as religious.
In addition to drugs, lesbians and bisexuals tend to drink more alcohol than straight women. Though this rate has been declining in the past two decades, substance abuse is still a big issue when it comes to overall health (especially because queer women are less likely to have insurance and visit doctors regularly).
7. Lesbians reject cultural norms and dominant beauty standards.
Research has shown that lesbians tend to have better body images than straight women, possibly because they have a broader definition than the general public of what’s beautiful and sexy. (This also contributes to queer women having better sex, as the better one feels about one’s body, the more enjoyable sex is.) Some researchers posit that because dating a same-sex partner is already a move away from the mainstream, lesbians would also reject cultural messages about the “ideal” female body. Feminist values, which many lesbians ascribe to, also play into lesbians’ tendency to enjoy, celebrate and accept more body diversity than their straight counterparts.
We asked members of the Entrepreneurs’ Organization (EO) to share how they were able to find a business partner who was the best fit for them.
1. Work Together First
“If possible, work with that person before going into business together. My current business partner and I worked together at our last job 12 years ago. This prior work experience gave us the opportunity to get to know each other and learn each other’s style. You are going to be spending a lot of time with this person in the stressful environment of a startup, so finding someone you like being around is vital.”
2. Connect with Family
“About 15 years ago, my cousin and I partnered up to form our agency. You always hear words of caution about partnering with a family member, but the advantage is that a more personal relationship can help you more accurately determine value alignment. Sharing values is more important than almost any other metric; they drive people to do extraordinary things, take risks, sacrifice, and work hard.”
3. Share the Ultimate Goal
“Alignment on the end-game is crucial. What is the ultimate goal of the company? Is it to create a lifestyle business or to generate revenue and sell on? The beginning of those trails can often look very similar to entrepreneurs, but they can diverge quickly if the destinations are not aligned. If you can constructively discuss your core values and outcome from the outset while figuring how they will play out in a variety of situations, it could make all the difference!”
Mike Stratta, EO Chicago
Executive Vice President, LimeGreen
4. Find Complementary Talents
“Ideally, your startup team will have diverse talents and a range of experience, including business partners with complementary skill sets. Having different strengths and weaknesses will make for a better partnership and will give your company the experience it needs. For example, if you are starting a software company and don’t come from a technology background, a business partner with coding experience is extremely beneficial in the long run.”
5. Investigate Financial Stability
“Any time there is equity involved, treat it as though you are getting ‘married.’ Definitely find out if potential partners are risk-tolerant, but also if they are financially able to embark on the endeavor. As with a spouse, it’s important to discuss finances up front to avoid any surprises later. I do some angel investing in new businesses and in my experience, whatever the business plan says in terms of money and time needed to get to break even, the reality is it will take twice the money and double the time.”
Selecting the right life partner is necessary to lead a happy married life. Here’s how you can select your perfect one
There are many factors that one needs to consider when choosing a life partner. The most important aspect is to consider things that are crucial to you.
Find someone who you can connect with easily
It is very important to choose somebody who you can easily strike a conversation with. This way, you can enjoy doing things and talking about them together without getting bored.
Potential partner with same interests
Selecting someone who shares a lot of common interests with you will work in your favour. Remember that all your interests don’t really have to be the same, but some would do. Says clinical psychologist and relationship expert Seema Hingorrany, “When you decide to spend your life with someone, you must look at things that the two of you would love to do together. For example, if you are a movie buff, you would ideally like to be with someone who enjoys movies as well. This will make your life interesting.”
Consider your partner’s intellect
If you are a laid-back person and your partner is an over-achiever, that could lead to a threat in your marriage. You must see eye to eye on how both of you are able to think and process things.
It’s okay to have standards
While choosing a life partner, you need to consider your and your family’s standards. Though it’s okay to choose someone who probably does not belong to the same strata of society as yours, make sure that he/she’s not completely off the mark.
You should have respect for one another
You obviously cannot spend your life with someone who has no respect for you or your dreams/goals or your personality. So, choose someone who will acknowledge you for the rest of your life.
Is your potential trustworthy
In this day and age, it is extremely important to choose someone you can trust. You definitely cannot lead a happy marriage if you cannot trust each other or have faith.
I’ve long felt that choosing a life partner should be a subject that is thoroughly discussed sometime in high school and perhaps even in university. It amazes me that so little time, if any, is given to considering this topic on a meaningful level in school.
Near as I can tell, it’s probably the single most important decision that all of us can make.
My feeling is that most people who get married in modern society don’t have the foresight and life experience needed to make the best possible choice.
I’m sure that some people are quite thoughtful and wise in choosing a life partner, but from my little spot on the planet, it looks like most of us, myself included, rely mainly on our instincts to choose the one person we want to be with forever.
And why wouldn’t we? Society teaches us that love is what matters. Love is the only thing that matters. And what is love? Isn’t it that special feeling that occupies your thoracic cavity and makes you feel blissfully alive?
Well, here are some thoughts that I would like my loved ones to consider in choosing a life partner:
Do you like him?
To me, it’s not about if you love him. It’s if you actually like him.
The challenge is in knowing if what you are feeling is genuine like or fool’s like, which I think is a symptom of being intoxicated with lust; healthy and respectful lust is great, of course, but probably not the best primary source of fuel to maintain a healthy relationship over the long term.
How do you know if you genuinely like and admire him? Ask yourself if you would want your child or future child to marry someone like him. And in answering this question, think about how he consistently behaves, not what he says.
As most of us know, feelings of “being in love” come and go. I wouldn’t want to rely on such feelings to keep my life partnership healthy and intact. Much better, I think, to have a foundation of genuine like in place. Because ultimately, we want to spend our time with those we genuinely enjoy being with.
Why do you like her?
I think most would agree that being aesthetically pleasing, having a trust fund, and taking good care of you are not enough sustenance for a healthy long term marriage.
Nor are any other reasons that belong in the “what can she do for me” category.
She can make you spontaneously laugh from your belly? You admire the way she treats others, especially in instances when she doesn’t realize that you are aware of what she is doing? She inspires you to strengthen your character? You respect her work ethic? Here and there, her thoughts prompt you to consider a new perspective? Now we’re talking about some powerful fuel to sustain feelings of respect, genuine like, and even adoration for a lifetime.
Do you have the same basic attitudes and beliefs about religion?
Specifically, do both of you have about the same tolerance level for other people’s beliefs? If not, think carefully about how this might affect the way that you feel about raising your children together.
Speaking of children.
Do both of you have similar feelings on having or not having children? If both of you want to have children, do you have a good inkling of what type of parent your partner will be?
Are you relatively clear on how much time you would like to spend with parents, siblings, relatives, and friends on both sides of your family?
If you would absolutely love having your parents in their golden years live next door or at least in the same town, I would suggest making this perfectly clear and asking your potential life partner to give this careful consideration and letting you know how it sits with him or her.
I imagine that very few life experiences can create more sorrow than not being able to spend time with your loved ones or, on the other side of the fence, being forced to spend time with people who make it clear through their behavior that they don’t cherish you.
Do you have similar money values?
What do both of you like to spend your money on? Do you spend the bulk of your money on things or experiences? How much do you spend on items and experiences that aren’t essential to your survival? How much do you like to save?
Those are the big ones for me. They’re the issues that rise above the inevitable squabbles that accompany all life partnerships and float around in potential deal-breaker territory.
To be clear, if you don’t really like who the other person is (not as obvious as you’d think or hope in the honeymoon phase), if you don’t really laugh together, if you don’t have the same basic attitudes about religion, having children, raising children, other family members, close friends, and money, it’s probably best to pause and reflect before committing to a long term relationship.
I once asked our readership to share their tips on choosing a life partner. Choose your best friend, choose someone you respect, be super careful – these are the recurring pieces of advice that came in.
If this is a topic that is on your mind and heart at the moment, I think you’ll find value in the following passage from one of my favorite authors, Kent Nerburn:
Hope this collection of thoughts on choosing a life partner is useful to someone out there.
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Sexual identity is a lot less rigid than you’d think.
In recent years, celebrities like Amber Heard and Cynthia Nixon have made headlines for dating or marrying women after spending years in heterosexual relationships. These Hollywood stars may have helped make it more socially acceptable—or perhaps even fashionable—to “switch sides” well into adulthood. Turns out the phenomenon has been going on for quite some time.
Research presented this week at the North American Menopause Society’s annual meeting in Philadelphia reveals that sexual fluidity throughout age is a real thing, and that it occurs in women much more than it does in men. Women should know they’re not alone if they begin to feel same-sex attractions later in life, say the presenters at the conference—and doctors shouldn’t assume that a woman will have partners of the same gender her entire life.
“We’re not talking about bisexuality, when someone says they are attracted to both genders at any given time,” says Sheryl Kingsberg, PhD, division chief of ob-gyn behavioral medicine at University Hospitals Cleveland Medical Center and past president of NAMS, which moderated the discussion on lesbian health.
“Aside from orientation, there’s also the concept of sexual fluidity—that women can, at one point, be completely in love with a man and then at another point be completely in love with a women,” Kingsberg tells Health. “And that can change once or that can change several times throughout her life.”
The conference focused specifically on women who make these transitions at midlife or later. “We know of a number of women who have been in perfectly happy marriages with men, they raised a family, and at some point—in their 40s or so—they find themselves unexpectedly falling in love with a woman, without ever having thought that was possible,” says Kingsberg.
It’s not that these women have been closeted lesbians their whole life, Kingsberg insists, or have been in denial about their true feelings. “These are women who were perfectly happy with men and are suddenly seeing and feeling things differently,” she says.
Kingsberg says there’s some evidence that choosing a female partner later in life may be a form of evolutionary adaptation. Once a woman reaches menopause and can no longer have children, having a male sexual partner is no longer as biologically important. “There’s also a theory that if you lose your mate, it’s safer for your children to be raised by two women than it is by a woman and a second male,” she adds.
Lisa Diamond, PhD, professor of developmental and healthy psychology at the University of Utah, says that sexual fluidity may also be due to “a complicated dynamic between hormonal changes, physical experiences, and certainly sexual desires,” according to the Daily Mail.
Diamond has been studying sexual fluidity for nearly two decades and presented her research during the session. In a 2008 study, for example, she followed 79 lesbian, bisexual, or “unlabeled” women for 10 years, and found that two-thirds of them changed which label they identified with at least once during that time.
While research about late-in-life lesbians isn’t new, Kingsberg says it’s increasingly important to let the public—and the medical community—know about it. As same-sex marriages have become legal and relationships less taboo, she says, more women may feel comfortable taking this step who may not have been years ago.
In a press release, Diamond said that health-care providers “need to recognize this new reality” and incorporate it into their practices. “We see a lot on the topic of sexual fluidity in the media, but it seems as if little of this information has trickled down into clinical practice,” she added.
Kingsberg agrees. “I am hoping that this message goes out to patients who happen to be in menopause, that they should pay attention to what’s going on with their sexuality—and not feel like they’re alone or that they’re an outlier,” she says. “If they discover, heading toward midlife, that they have shifted their love interest and are falling in love with a woman, they should know that it’s not unusual.”
She wants to speak directly to primary-care doctors and ob-gyns, as well. “Don’t be so presumptive that the woman you’ve been caring for for 20 years is automatically always going to have the same partner or the same gender of partner,” she says. Doctors should ask open-ended questions about their patients’ sexual activity, she says, so women feel comfortable voicing concerns and questions.
“I like to ask patients, ‘What sexual concerns are you having?’ and ‘Are you currently sexually active with men, women, or both?’” says Kingsberg. “That opens the door for someone who’s maybe been married for 20 years but is now divorced to come out and say that her partner is now female, which she may be embarrassed to do otherwise.”
Coming out to anyone—especially a doctor who’s known you intimately for years—can be difficult, says Kingsberg. But it’s important to making sure you’re getting the best care for your specific situation and at every stage of your life.
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