How to Cope With Anger

Everyone gets angry. When your mood gets out of control, you will need coping skills to deal with anger and regain peace.

Anger can be a searing hate underneath the surface, or it can be a blasting volcano. Anger can also be an irritation tapping at the base of your skull. Either way, anger can be intense. Anger isn’t wrong, by no means.

What’s wrong is when you lose control of your temper and cause other problems. This does happen more than we like to admit. That’s why certain coping skills are such great tactics for fighting this anger and loss of control.

Finding ways to remain calm

When you’ve lost your temper and thus, lost control of your thoughts and actions, you can possibly do great harm. Anger, while normal, becomes abnormal when we can’t seem to regain composure after an altercation or disagreement.

When this happens, we desperately need coping skills for anger in order to calm our emotions. There are a few ways we can do this.

1. Take deep breaths

If you can think straight when angry, try taking deep breaths. Inhale as far as you can, just as you would when utilizing yoga breathing exercises.

When I took yoga classes, I was instructed to take a deep breath and pull it in as far as I could, almost as if my spine was reeling in my belly button on the other side. Then when you’ve reached your inhalation limit, then let all the air go in the same manner. This allows you to regain calmness when angry.

2. Counting

Yes, this really does work. The reason why counting works when you’re angry is that it takes concentration away from what you’re angry about and projects it toward counting in the right order.

You can count to 10 or 20 and then count backward as well. When you’ve done this a while, you may even have a clearer mind about the given situation.

3. Get active

Exercise has an amazing way of improving health, both physically and mentally. So, it just makes sense that physical activity can alter your thought patterns.

When angry, take a walk and get your head together. As you walk for a little while, you can focus your energies on making a logical and sound reaction to the problem, not a harsh and quick reaction that you might regret later.

4. Recognize and avoid triggers

Although you cannot avoid everything, you can avoid some of the triggers which make you lose your temper.

For instance, if a certain person seems to bring out the angry side of you more often than not, it could be time to stay away from them. If shopping at certain times of the day overwhelms you and makes you angry, then shop at a time when there are fewer people around.

Just adjust things accordingly to reduce the instances of angry outbursts.

5. Recognize your changes in emotion

Just like it’s smart to recognize the things that make you angry, it’s also smart to recognize when you’re getting irritated long before you’ve lost your temper.

If you can see the warning signs, you can remove yourself from the situation until you’ve had a chance to think things through. You can also learn techniques to use even if you cannot leave the situation, such as the techniques above, like counting.

Many people also have developed unhealthy habits to help them cope, but I will not advocate those. Finding healthy habits, like counting, produces no side effects when used.

6. Utilize humor

Sometimes one of the best coping skills for anger is laughter. Maybe you can tell a joke in the heat of the moment which will lower your body temperature and make things more comfortable for everyone. Maybe you can tell a joke which somehow relays an important message to the one who is making you angry.

If a problem can be made less serious, it can sometimes produce understanding. If no, at least you’ve made yourself laugh and laughing produces chemicals to alleviate anger.

7. Try writing

Sometimes writing down your emotions can assuage your anger. Keep a journal for this purpose or maybe even a blog. Not only does it help you transfer concentration to something beneficial, but it can also distract you from angry thoughts simultaneously.

Know when to seek help

The above coping skills work well in most circumstances when you are affected by anger. However, there comes a time when support is the only way to curb angry emotions. When your anger starts to cause pain for others or damage relationships, it’s time to get help. Seeking professional help may also be the key.

How do you handle your angry emotions? If you feel out of control, don’t hesitate to share how you feel with a friend or loved one. You might be surprised by the suggestions they offer for help.

In the meantime, don’t condemn yourself for your shortcomings. After all, anger isn’t wrong. It’s just how you react when angry. Always remember this.

References:

• Author
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Anger is a normal feeling and can be a positive emotion when it helps you work through issues or problems, whether that’s at work or at home.

However, anger can become problematic if it leads to aggression, outbursts, or even physical altercations.

Anger control is important for helping you avoid saying or doing something you may regret. Before anger escalates, you can use specific strategies for controlling anger.

Here are 25 ways you can control your anger:

1. Count down

Count down (or up) to 10. If you’re really mad, start at 100. In the time it takes you to count, your heart rate will slow, and your anger will likely subside.

2. Take a breather

Your breathing becomes shallower and speeds up as you grow angry. Reverse that trend (and your anger) by taking slow, deep breaths from your nose and exhaling out of your mouth for several moments.

3. Go walk around

Exercise can help calm your nerves and reduce anger. Go for a walk, ride your bike, or hit a few golf balls. Anything that gets your limbs pumping is good for your mind and body.

4. Relax your muscles

Progressive muscle relaxation calls on you to tense and slowly relax various muscle groups in your body, one at a time. As you tense and release, take slow, deliberate breaths.

5. Repeat a mantra

Find a word or phrase that helps you calm down and refocus. Repeat that word again and again to yourself when you’re upset. “Relax,” “Take it easy, and “You’ll be OK” are all good examples.

6. Stretch

Neck rolls and shoulder rolls are good examples of nonstrenuous yoga-like movements that can help you control your body and harness your emotions. No fancy equipment required.

7. Mentally escape

Slip into a quiet room, close your eyes, and practice visualizing yourself in a relaxing scene. Focus on details in the imaginary scene: What color is the water? How tall are the mountains? What do the chirping birds sound like? This practice can help you find calm amidst anger.

8. Play some tunes

Let music carry you away from your feelings. Put in earbuds or slip out to your car. Crank up your favorite music and hum, bop, or sashay your anger away.

9. Stop talking

When you’re steamed, you may be tempted to let the angry words fly, but you’re more likely to do harm than good. Pretend your lips are glued shut, just like you did as a kid. This moment without speaking will give you time to collect your thoughts.

10. Take a timeout

Give yourself a break. Sit away from others. In this quiet time, you can process events and return your emotions to neutral. You may even find this time away from others is so helpful you want to schedule it into your daily routine.

11. Take action

Harness your angry energy. Sign a petition. Write a note to an official. Do something good for someone else. Pour your energy and emotions into something that’s healthy and productive.

12. Write in your journal

What you can’t say, perhaps you can write. Jot down what you’re feeling and how you want to respond. Processing it through the written word can help you calm down and reassess the events leading up to your feelings.

13. Find the most immediate solution

You might be angry that your child has once again left their room a mess before going to visit a friend. Shut the door. You can temporarily end your anger by putting it out of your view. Look for similar resolutions in any situations.

14. Rehearse your response

Prevent an outburst by rehearsing what you’re going to say or how you’re going to approach the problem in the future. This rehearsal period gives you time to role-play several possible solutions, too.

15. Picture a stop sign

The universal symbol to stop can help you calm down when you’re angry. It’s a quick way to help you visualize the need to halt yourself, your actions, and walk away from the moment.

16. Change your routine

If your slow commute to work makes you angry before you’ve even had coffee, find a new route. Consider options that may take longer but leave you less upset in the end.

17. Talk to a friend

Don’t stew in the events that made you angry. Help yourself process what happened by talking with a trusted, supportive friend who can possibly provide a new perspective.

18. Laugh

Nothing upends a bad mood like a good one. Diffuse your anger by looking for ways to laugh, whether that’s playing with your kids, watching stand-up, or scrolling memes.

19. Practice gratitude

Take a moment to focus on what’s right when everything feels wrong. Realizing how many good things you have in your life can help you neutralize anger and turn around the situation.

20. Set a timer

The first thing that comes to mind when you’re angry likely isn’t the thing you should say. Give yourself a set time before you respond. This time will help you be calmer and more concise.

21. Write a letter

Write a letter or email to the person that made you angry. Then, delete it. Often, expressing your emotions in some form is all you want, even if it’s in something that will never be seen.

22. Imagine forgiving them

Finding the courage to forgive someone who has wronged you takes a lot of emotional skill. If you can’t go that far, you can at least pretend that you’re forgiving them, and you’ll feel your anger slip away.

23. Practice empathy

Try to walk in the other person’s shoes and see the situation from their perspective. When you tell the story or relive the events as they saw it, you may gain a new understanding and become less angry.

24. Express your anger

It’s OK to say how you feel, as long as you handle it in the right way. Ask a trusted friend to help you be accountable to a calm response. Outbursts solve no problems, but mature dialogue can help reduce your stress and ease your anger. It may also prevent future problems.

25. Find a creative channel

Turn your anger into a tangible production. Consider painting, gardening, or writing poetry when you’re upset. Emotions are powerful muses for creative individuals. Use yours to reduce anger.

The bottom line

Anger is a normal emotion that everyone experiences from time to time. However, if you find your anger turns to aggression or outbursts, you need to find healthy ways to deal with anger.

If these tips don’t help, consider talking with your doctor. A mental health specialist or therapist can help you work through underlying factors that may contribute to anger and other emotional issues.

Last medically reviewed on January 29, 2019

The goal of dealing with anger is to own the moment, so anger doesn’t own you.

Posted Feb 28, 2011

THE BASICS

• What Is Anger?
• Find a therapist to heal from anger

Our world is in the midst of an emotional meltdown. People are restless, volatile, our tempers about to blow.

A recent Newsweek cover story, “Rage Goes Viral,” describes how from Tunisia to Egypt a wave of rage is rocking the Arab world to create revolutions. Rage is also prevalent in our everyday lives: There’s road rage, office rage, supermarket rage, and even surfer’s rage.

Why is rage so rampant? What is the solution?

In my new book, I explore the differences between good and bad anger. Anger can be a healthy reaction to injustice, such as cultures fighting to free themselves from repressive regimes. Anger rallies people. It creates energy and motivation to rebel against dysfunctional political or social systems. It also motivates groups to go on strike say, for higher, well-deserved wages or to defend human rights. On a personal level, anger can be good if it’s expressed in a focused, healthy way rather than using it to punish or harm others.

Your Body’s Reaction to Anger

As a psychiatrist, I know that anger is both intensely and primally physical. Let’s say a colleague double-crosses you in a business deal. You feel angry. Your amygdala stimulates adrenaline. You get an energy rush that rallies you to fight. Blood flows to your hands, making it easier to grasp a weapon. Your heart pumps faster. You breathe harder. Pupils dilate. You sweat.

In this hyperadrenalized state, aggression mounts. You may raise your voice, point accusingly, stare him down, grimace, flail your arms around, verbally intimidate, barge into his personal space. Taken to an extreme, you could literally be driven to knock him out or beat him up. In a pure survival-oriented sense, you want to dominate and retaliate to protect yourself and prevent further exploitation. Anger is one of the hardest impulses to control because of its evolutionary value in defending against danger.

What factors make us susceptible to anger? One is an accumulation of built-up stresses. That’s why your temper can flare more easily after a frustrating day. The second is letting anger and resentments smolder. When anger becomes chronic, cortisol, the stress hormone, contributes to its slow burn. Remaining in this condition makes you edgy, quick to snap.

Research has proven that anger feeds on itself. The effect is cumulative: Each angry episode builds on the hormonal momentum of the time before. For example, even the most devoted, loving mothers may be horrified to find themselves screaming at their kids if they haven’t learned to constructively diffuse a backlog of irritations. Therefore, the powerful lesson our biology teaches us is the necessity of breaking the hostility cycle early on, and that brooding on the past is hazardous to your well-being.

For optimal health, you must address your anger. But the point isn’t to keep blowing up when you’re upset. Rather, it’s to develop strategies to express anger that are body-friendly. Otherwise, you’ll be set up for illnesses such as migraines, irritable bowel syndrome, or chronic pain, which can be exacerbated by tension. Or you’ll keep jacking up your blood pressure and constricting your blood vessels, which compromises flow to the heart.

A Johns Hopkins study reports that young men who habitually react to stress with anger are more likely than their calmer counterparts to have an early heart attack, even without a family history of heart disease. Further, other studies have shown that hostile couples who hurl insults and roll their eyes when arguing physically heal more slowly than less antagonistic partners who have a “we’re in this together” attitude.

Still, repressing anger isn’t the answer either. Research also reveals that those who keep silent during marital disputes have a greater chance of dying from heart disease or suffering stress-related ailments than those who speak their minds.

Here are some strategies to productively cope with anger in daily life.

4 Tips to Diffuse Anger

1. When you’re upset, pause, and slowly count to 10. To offset the adrenaline surge of anger, train yourself not to lash back impulsively. Wait before you speak. Take a few deep breaths and very slowly, silently, count to ten (or to fifty if necessary). Use the lull of these moments to regroup before you decide what to do so you don’t say something you regret
2. Take a cooling-off period. To further quiet your neurotransmitters, take an extended time-out, hours or even longer. When you’re steaming retreat to a calm setting to lower your stress level. Reduce external stimulation. Dim the lights. Listen to soothing music. Meditate. Do some aerobic exercise or yoga to expel anger from your system.
3. Don’t address anger when you’re rushed. Make sure you have adequate time to identify what’s made you angry. A Princeton study found that even after theology students heard a lecture on the Good Samaritan, they still didn’t stop to help a distressed person on the street when they thought they’d be late for their next class. Thus, allotting unhurried time to resolve the conflict lets you tap into your most compassionate response.
4. Don’t try to address your anger when you’re tired or before sleep. Since anger revs up your system, it can interfere with restful sleep and cause insomnia. The mind grinds. Better to examine your anger earlier in the day so your adrenaline can simmer down. Also being well-rested makes you less prone to reacting with irritation, allows you to stay balanced.

The goal with anger is to own the moment so this emotion doesn’t own you. Then you can mindfully respond rather than simply react. You’ll have the lucidity to be solution-oriented and therefore empower how you relate to others.

“Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath.” – Eckhart Tolle

Most of us have experienced our fair share of anger and pain, some more so than others. But did you ever stop to think what’s underneath all that anger? What is the root cause? In many cases, it might be difficult to discern or pinpoint the origin of the emotion or identify the exact cause. All you know is that you feel like exploding, things are just not going right, and you can’t seem to get past it. Sometimes that means you lash out verbally or behave in unhealthy ways, such as drinking too much , compulsive overeating , engaging in promiscuous or risky sexual behavior . At the extreme, you might even cause harm to yourself or others, emotionally and perhaps even physically. Before your anger gets totally out of hand, however, a little self-reflection and some healthy coping measures may save the day.

Allow yourself some latitude.

First, give yourself a little latitude. Recognize that there is a reason for this anger and allow yourself the opportunity to dig into what may be behind it. This doesn’t give you a pass to scream at others, though, to throw things at the wall, to deliberately sabotage your work or someone else’s or to be hyper-critical of anyone’s efforts – your own included. It does mean that you can hit the pause button on your anger and try to figure out the most logical reasons for it and then employ some effective coping mechanisms to overcome the anger and get on with your life.

Figure out the probable cause.

For example, you may be angry at the success of others. Underneath your anger and jealousy may very well be the feeling of pain that you’re not able to provide for your loved ones because you lack the necessary ingredient, combination of luck and circumstances or some other reason that you’re not as successful as the person you think you’re angry at. You are not angry at him or her so much as you are angry with yourself. The root cause here is the pain you feel, being inadequate, a failure, unable to follow through, whatever.

Once you recognize the probable cause – the pain underneath the anger – you can begin to devise a plan or approach to take that will help you move past the anger and pain and onto more constructive actions.

Can you feel pain without it being associated with anger? Decidedly yes, as in the case of physical pain caused by an underlying medical condition. While you might be angry that you’re in pain, the pain isn’t the cause of your anger. Still, anger and pain quite often go hand in hand. Learning how to effectively deal with and manage both is crucial in being able to live a healthy, happy, productive and self-fulfilled life.

Consider various coping methods and approaches.

How to do this? There are several coping methods and approaches to consider.

• It’s always recommended to see a doctor to rule out a possible medical condition or get treated for one that has already been diagnosed.
• Learn and practice stress -reduction techniques, including meditation , yoga , deep breathing exercises, physical exercises, walking in nature, reading an enjoyable book, spending time with loved ones and friends.
• Talk with a trusted friend, loved one or family member and ask for support as you work through your anger and pain. You’d be surprised how willing those who care about you are when you ask for help. In line with this, be ready to reciprocate when others come to you requesting help.
• Think before you speak. This delayed response will give you time to weigh what you’re about to say, potentially saving you from making a colossal blunder by saying something inappropriate when it could have lasting consequences. Employ this technique wherever and whenever you would normally just blurt out what’s on your mind. Examples include: cursing at or flipping off a reckless or inconsiderate driver, muttering angry words at your boss or co-worker when you don’t like work that’s been unceremoniously dumped on you or you feel you’re getting shortchanged while others skate, taking out your anger on loved ones and family members, and dashing off a rude or emotional text or email, among others.
• Work on improving your diet so it includes good amounts of healthy food.
• Make sure to stay hydrated. Your body requires fluids for optimal health and functioning.
• Stimulate your brain with challenging puzzles, word games, devising creative solutions to everyday problems.
• Be grateful for all the good that you have. Gratitude is a life-empowering emotion.
• Share your experiences with others so that they may benefit from your accumulated wisdom.
• Laugh often. Laughter is free and generates good amounts of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals.
• Get a good night’s sleep.
• Emphasize your spiritual side with prayer.
• Strive for a sense of balance in life : at home, work, with friends, neighbors and acquaintances.
• Eliminate distractions when you’re trying to relax. Reduce tech time so that your brain can disengage and revitalize. This, in turn, helps decrease stress.
• Be a good friend and co-worker and neighbor.
• Make a list of goals you want to pursue and act to achieve them one by one.
• Dream big. There’s something incredibly liberating about thinking about items on your wish list. If you desire something strongly enough, you can find a way to realize that ideation, even if only partially.
• If toxic anger continues and spills over into other parts of your life, causing negative consequences, see a therapist to help you find a way past it.

Remember that while anger and pain may be causing you problems, you can do something about these emotions. It isn’t necessary to live with them. Nor should you resign yourself to doing so. It is, however, your choice as to what you do, in most cases.

First up, anger isn’t a ‘bad’ emotion. It can actually help you to be honest or to stand up for something you believe in. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with feeling angry. What matters is how you cope with and express your anger.

If you learn anger management skills, you’ll look less like this…

and more like this…

We’re not guaranteeing you won’t still be in a bad mood, but you’ll be less likely to act in a way you might regret.

Here are our tips for the best way to control your anger.

1. Recognise the warning signs

If you can recognise when you’re starting to feel angry, you’ll be in a good place to try some of our tips before you get really worked up or lash out. You can then try a few of the strategies below. Some warning signs are:

• pounding heart
• gritting your teeth
• sweating
• tight chest
• shaking
• anxiety
• raising your voice
• being snappy or defensive
• temporarily losing your sense of humour
• pacing
• getting a ‘flash’ of a bad mood
• being overly critical of someone
• feeling argumentative.

2. Work out why you’re angry

There’s lots of reasons why you might be angry. It’s a normal or understandable response in some situations, such as when you or someone else is being treated unfairly. If you’re not sure why you’ve just snapped at someone, though, think back through your day and try to pinpoint what set you off.

Some other reasons why you might be feeling angry include:

• you’re under a lot of pressure
• you’re experiencing bodily or hormonal changes that cause mood swings
• you’re frustrated with how your life is going.

If you work on first recognising and then dealing with your anger, it won’t have such a damaging effect on your relationships, body, mind and emotions.

3. Write it down

Sometimes, writing stuff down can help you work out why you’re feeling angry and how you might be able to deal with it. It’ll also help you to put things in perspective.

4. Count to 100

This one seems pretty basic, but it works. Thinking about something other than what’s making you upset for 100 seconds can help you avoid blowing a fuse. It gives you a chance to gather yourself and your thoughts before you do anything else.

5. Press pause

When you feel angry about something, it’s almost impossible to deal with the situation in a productive or helpful way. If you feel yourself losing your cool, just walk away from the situation for a while. You’ll deal with it better when everyone, yourself included, is feeling calmer.

6. Move your body

Exercise is an awesome way to let off steam. You could take a walk around the block, go for a run, or do something really high-energy like boxing.

7. Talk to someone

Talking to someone you trust about how you’re feeling can take a weight off your shoulders as well as your mind. That could be a trusted adult, friend or family member. You could even give the ReachOut forums a go, and talk with other young people who get how you’re feeling.

If your anger is getting out of control, consider seeing a mental health professional. Watch our video to find out why talking helps.

8. Take time to relax

If you know what helps you to relax, you’ll find it really useful whenever you’re feeling angry. Take some time out to do something you enjoy, whether that’s walking in the park, reading a book or listening to music. You could also try an app like ReachOut Breathe or Smiling Mind to help you relax.

First up, anger isn’t a ‘bad’ emotion. It can actually help you to be honest or to stand up for something you believe in. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with feeling angry. What matters is how you cope with and express your anger.

If you learn anger management skills, you’ll look less like this…

and more like this…

We’re not guaranteeing you won’t still be in a bad mood, but you’ll be less likely to act in a way you might regret.

Here are our tips for the best way to control your anger.

1. Recognise the warning signs

If you can recognise when you’re starting to feel angry, you’ll be in a good place to try some of our tips before you get really worked up or lash out. You can then try a few of the strategies below. Some warning signs are:

• pounding heart
• gritting your teeth
• sweating
• tight chest
• shaking
• anxiety
• raising your voice
• being snappy or defensive
• temporarily losing your sense of humour
• pacing
• getting a ‘flash’ of a bad mood
• being overly critical of someone
• feeling argumentative.

2. Work out why you’re angry

There’s lots of reasons why you might be angry. It’s a normal or understandable response in some situations, such as when you or someone else is being treated unfairly. If you’re not sure why you’ve just snapped at someone, though, think back through your day and try to pinpoint what set you off.

Some other reasons why you might be feeling angry include:

• you’re under a lot of pressure
• you’re experiencing bodily or hormonal changes that cause mood swings
• you’re frustrated with how your life is going.

If you work on first recognising and then dealing with your anger, it won’t have such a damaging effect on your relationships, body, mind and emotions.

3. Write it down

Sometimes, writing stuff down can help you work out why you’re feeling angry and how you might be able to deal with it. It’ll also help you to put things in perspective.

4. Count to 100

This one seems pretty basic, but it works. Thinking about something other than what’s making you upset for 100 seconds can help you avoid blowing a fuse. It gives you a chance to gather yourself and your thoughts before you do anything else.

5. Press pause

When you feel angry about something, it’s almost impossible to deal with the situation in a productive or helpful way. If you feel yourself losing your cool, just walk away from the situation for a while. You’ll deal with it better when everyone, yourself included, is feeling calmer.

6. Move your body

Exercise is an awesome way to let off steam. You could take a walk around the block, go for a run, or do something really high-energy like boxing.

7. Talk to someone

Talking to someone you trust about how you’re feeling can take a weight off your shoulders as well as your mind. That could be a trusted adult, friend or family member. You could even give the ReachOut forums a go, and talk with other young people who get how you’re feeling.

If your anger is getting out of control, consider seeing a mental health professional. Watch our video to find out why talking helps.

8. Take time to relax

If you know what helps you to relax, you’ll find it really useful whenever you’re feeling angry. Take some time out to do something you enjoy, whether that’s walking in the park, reading a book or listening to music. You could also try an app like ReachOut Breathe or Smiling Mind to help you relax.

Uncontrolled anger can be problematic for your personal relationships and for your health. Fortunately, there are tools you can learn to help you keep your anger in check.

Wrath, fury, rage — whatever you call it, anger is a powerful emotion. Unfortunately, it’s often an unhelpful one.

Anger is a natural human experience, and sometimes there are valid reasons to get mad like feeling hurt by something someone said or did or experiencing frustration over a situation at work or home. But uncontrolled anger can be problematic for your personal relationships and for your health.

Fortunately, there are tools you can learn to help you keep your anger in check.

Understanding anger

Anger can take different forms. Some people feel angry much of the time, or can’t stop dwelling on an event that made them mad. Others get angry less often, but when they do it comes out as explosive bouts of rage.

Whatever shape it takes, uncontrolled anger can negatively affect physical health and emotional wellbeing. Research shows that anger and hostility can increase people’s chances of developing coronary heart disease, and lead to worse outcomes in people who already have heart disease. Anger can also lead to stress-related problems including insomnia, digestive problems and headaches.

Anger can also contribute to violent and risky behaviors, including drug and alcohol use. And on top of all that, anger can significantly damage relationships with family, friends and colleagues.

Strategies to keep anger at bay

Anger can be caused by internal and external events. You might feel mad at a person, an entity like the company you work for, or an event like a traffic jam or a political election. Wherever the feelings come from, you don’t have to let your anger get the better of you. Here are some techniques to help you stay calm.

Check yourself. It’s hard to make smart choices when you’re in the grips of a powerful negative emotion. Rather than trying to talk yourself down from a cliff, avoid climbing it in the first place. Try to identify warning signs that you’re starting to get annoyed. When you recognize the signs, step away from the situation or try relaxation techniques to prevent your irritation from escalating.

Don’t dwell. Some people have a tendency to keep rehashing the incident that made them mad. That’s an unproductive strategy, especially if you have already resolved the issue that angered you in the first place. Instead, try to let go of the past incident. One way to do that is to focus instead on things you appreciate about the person or the situation that made you angry.

Change the way you think. When you’re angry, it’s easy to feel like things are worse than they really are. Through a technique known as cognitive restructuring, you can replace unhelpful negative thoughts with more reasonable ones. Instead of thinking “Everything is ruined,” for example, tell yourself “This is frustrating, but it’s not the end of the world.”

Try these strategies to reframe your thinking:

• Avoid words like “never” or “always” when talking about yourself or others. Statements like “This never works” or “You’re always forgetting things” make you feel your anger is justified. Such statements also alienate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution.
• Use logic. Even when it’s justified, anger can quickly become irrational. Remind yourself that the world is not out to get you. Do this each time you start feeling angry, and you’ll get a more balanced perspective.
• Translate expectations into desires. Angry people tend to demand things, whether it’s fairness, appreciation, agreement or willingness to do things their way. Try to change your demands into requests. And if things don’t go your way, try not to let your disappointment turn into anger.

Relax. Simple relaxation strategies, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help soothe angry feelings. If you practice one or more of these strategies often, it will be easier to apply them when angry feelings strike.

• Focused breathing. Shallow breathing is angry breathing. Practice taking controlled, slow breaths that you picture coming up from your belly rather than your chest.
• Use imagery. Visualize a relaxing experience from your memory or your imagination.
• Progressive muscle relaxation. With this technique, you slowly tense then relax each muscle group one at a time. For example, you might start with your toes and slowly work your way up to your head and neck.

Improve your communication skills. People often jump to conclusions when they’re angry, and they can say the first (often unkind) thing that pops into their heads. Try to stop and listen before reacting. Then take time to think carefully about how you want to reply. If you need to step away to cool down before continuing the conversation, make a promise to come back later to finish the discussion.

Get active. Regular physical exercise can help you decompress, burn off extra tension and reduce stress that can fuel angry outbursts.

Recognize (and avoid) your triggers. Give some thought to the things that make you mad. If you know you always get angry driving downtown at rush hour, take the bus or try to adjust your schedule to make the trip at a less busy time. If you always argue with your spouse at night, avoid bringing up contentious topics when you’re both tired. If you’re constantly annoyed that your child hasn’t cleaned his room, shut the door so you don’t have to look at the mess.

You can’t completely eliminate angry feelings. But you can make changes to the way those events affect you, and the ways in which you respond. By making the effort to keep your anger in check, you and the people close to you will be happier for the long run.

How a psychologist can help

If you continue to feel overwhelmed, consult with a psychologist or other licensed mental health professional who can help you learn how to control your anger. He or she can help you identify problem areas and then develop an action plan for changing them.

The American Psychological Association gratefully acknowledges psychologists Raymond W. Novaco, PhD, and Raymond DiGiuseppe, PhD, for their help with this fact sheet.

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Anger is a part of life. We will all come into contact with a person, or a circumstance, that results in us feeling angry. But anger varies on a great scale, ranging from mild annoyance to intense rage. Studies have shown that due to environmental, genetic, and psychological factors, certain people are more susceptible to anger than others. Some people are noticeably angry, others more internally irritable.

Yet when anger becomes too strong it can grow out of context, and we are more incensed than what is considered to be normal. We must find ways to release anger before it multiplies within us. And while it is good to “release the rage” it must be done in ways that are both responsible and cathartic. In other words, we must find resourceful ways to deal with our anger that are also peaceful and beneficial for our health and for those around us. These are a few tried and tested tactics that we can keep with us in times of need.

1.Take 5/ Pause

Seemingly the most sensible of options is often the easiest and most rewarding. The first step is to recognize that the anger is happening. When you feel it bubble up, step away for a minute, pause, and breathe deeply from your diaphragm. Visualize something relaxing. Do this before having a reaction. You will thank yourself.

2. Cognitive rehabilitation

This means to replace negative, unhelpful thoughts with more positive, realistic ones. For example “I am so bad at this!” could be replaced with “Even though this is frustrating, anger will not help me right now.” Again use breathing techniques to pause and reassess.

3. Write

A great way to express yourself and release aggression is through writing. It might be the last thing you feel like doing in the moment, but if you can get into a habit of putting your pen to the paper and writing out how you feel, it can become a very helpful habit in times to come. You can tear up the end product if you wish! But getting it out is the main point. (Even if you scrawl really, really hard.)

4. Communicate

Verbalize your meaning. Say what you really wish to say. Listen to what is being said to you, and listen also to what you are really wishing to convey. Try not to let the anger take over (again, step 1). Even though we may feel defensive straight away, if we take the time to better understand the situation, we can get a far more peaceful and happy result.

5. Have a sense of humor

Silliness can be a great tool. And while it is not healthy to ‘laugh off’ and dismiss your feelings, having a mentally silly picture you can reach for in times of anger can help diffuse the heat. We aren’t talking sarcasm or bitter humour, which is also unhelpful. Just enough silliness to again be able to cool things down enough to deal with the situation rationally.

6. Exercise

Go for a run. Go for a walk. Go to a spinning class. Do anything that will get rid of that anxious energy that is building up inside you, that might otherwise explode in different areas. Release the hostility and just literally blow off the steam. Then see how you feel, when the anger has been physically exhausted.

7. Sleep it off

Don’t deal with things when you are tired. If you are grumpy or run down, you can easily snap or say or do things you don’t really mean. Get some rest. Let it cool down. Deal with it in the morning, when your feelings have moved somewhat. And they will. That’s the beauty of feelings. They always change.

How is anger linked to bipolar disorder?

Bipolar disorder (BP) is a brain disorder that causes unexpected and often dramatic shifts in your mood. These moods can be intense and euphoric. This is called a manic period. Or they may leave you feeling sad and despairing. This is called a depressive period. That’s why BP is also sometimes called manic-depressive disorder.

The changes in mood associated with BP cause changes in energy too. People experiencing a BP episode often exhibit different behaviors, activity levels, and more.

Irritability is an emotion people with BP experience often. This emotion is common during manic episodes, but it can occur at other times too. A person who is irritable is easily upset and often bristles at others’ attempts to help them. They may be easily annoyed or aggravated with someone’s requests to talk. If the requests become persistent or other factors come into play, the person with BP may anger easily and often.

Anger isn’t a symptom of BP, but many people who have the disorder as well as their family and friends may report frequent bouts with the emotion. For some people with BP, irritability is perceived as anger, and may become as severe as rage.

A 2012 study found that people with BP exhibit greater episodes of aggression than people without the mood disorder. People with BP who aren’t being treated or those experiencing a severe mood swing or rapid cycling between moods are more likely to experience periods of irritability too. These emotions may be followed by anger and rage.

Keep reading to learn more about what may be behind this emotion and what you can do about it.

Prescription medicine is one of the primary ways doctors treat BP. Doctors often prescribe a variety of medicines for the disorder, and mood stabilizers like lithium are usually part of the mix.

Lithium can treat symptoms of BP and help correct the chemical imbalance that led to the disorder in the first place. Although some people who take lithium report increased episodes of irritability and anger, this isn’t considered a side effect of the medication.

Side effects of mood stabilizers like lithium do include:

• restlessness
• constipation
• loss of appetite
• dry mouth

Changes in emotions are often the result of your body learning to adjust to the new chemicals. That’s why it’s important that you continue to take your medicine as prescribed by your doctor. Even if new symptoms crop up, you shouldn’t stop taking your medicine without first discussing it with your doctor. If you do, it may cause an unexpected swing in your emotions and increase your risk of side effects.

Everyone gets upset from time to time. Anger can be a normal, healthy reaction to something that has happened in your life.

However, anger that’s uncontrollable or prevents you from interacting with another individual is a problem. If you think this strong emotion is preventing you from having a healthy relationship with friends, loved ones, and colleagues, it may be time to see a doctor.

Irritability or anger may be impacting your life if:

Your friends avoid you: Once the life of the party, you’re now not sure why you don’t get invited to the annual lake weekend. A run-in with a friend or two may discourage your friends from inviting you to future events.

Family and loved ones back down: Arguments are common, even within the most secure relationships. However, if you find your loved ones aren’t willing to have an intense discussion with you, your behavior may be a problem.

You’re reprimanded at work: Anger or irritability at work may create a difficult work environment with your colleagues. If you’ve been reprimanded or counseled recently about your attitude, the way you handle your emotions may be an issue.

If this sounds like something you’ve experienced, you shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help. If you need honest feedback about your behavior, ask someone you can trust. Tell them you understand how uncomfortable it may be, but you need to know how your behavior is impacting your relationship.

If you’re experiencing anger or irritability, learning to cope and manage the emotions can help improve your relationships with others and your overall quality of life.

These steps may help you manage any emotional swings:

Identify your triggers: Some events, people, or requests can be really upsetting and turn a good day into a bad one. As you experience these triggers, make a list. Try to recognized what triggers you or makes you most upset, and learn to ignore or cope with them.

Take your medicines: Properly treated BP may cause fewer severe emotional swings. Once you and your doctor decide on a treatment plan, stick to it. It can help you maintain even emotional states.

Talk to a therapist: In addition to medicines, doctors often suggest people with BP take part in cognitive behavioral therapy. This type of therapy can help people with BP express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns. The end goal is for you to learn to be productive despite the disorder, and to find ways to cope with any lingering side effects.

Harness the energy: When you sense yourself getting upset or frustrated, look for creative outlets that can help you harness the energy while avoiding a negative interaction with another person. This could include exercise, meditation, reading, or any other activity that lets you manage emotions in a more productive way.

Lean in to your support team: When you’re having a bad day or week, you need people you can turn to. Explain to your friends and family members that you’re working through the symptoms of BP and need accountability. Together, you can learn to manage this mood disorder and its side effects.

For the people around someone who has this disorder, emotional shifts like those that are common with BP may seem very unexpected. The highs and lows can take a toll on everyone.

Learning to anticipate and react to these changes can help people with BP, as well as their loved ones, cope with the emotional changes.

Here are a few strategies to keep in mind:

Don’t back down: If you’ve been dealing with these bursts of irritability and anger for a long time, you may be tired and unwilling to put up a fight. Instead, ask your loved one to visit a therapist with you so the two of you can learn ways to communicate more clearly when emotions are high.

Remember that they’re not necessarily angry at you: It can be difficult to not feel that the anger attack is about something you did or said. If you can’t pinpoint a reason for their anger, take a step back. Ask them what they’re upset about, and go from there.

Engage in a positive way: Ask your loved one about their experiences. Be willing to listen and be open. Sometimes explaining what they’re experiencing can help your loved one cope better with their swings and communicate better through them.

Look for a community of support: Ask your loved one’s doctor or therapist for recommendations for groups you could join or professionals you could see. You need support too.

Monitor medication compliance: The key to treatment for BP is consistency. Help ensure that your loved one is taking medicine and other treatments when and how they’re supposed to.

When you’re living with a mental health problem, or supporting someone who is, access to the right information is vital.

If you’re finding things hard emotionally right now, you’re not alone. We’re here to provide information and support.

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• About anger
• Anger symptoms
• Causes of anger
• Managing outbursts
• Long-term coping
• Treatment and support
• For friends and family
• Useful contacts

What can I do to manage my anger?

It can be frightening when your anger overwhelms you. But there are ways you can learn to manage your anger when you find yourself in difficult situations.

Remember: If your outbursts can be violent or abusive this can cause serious problems in your life and relationships, and can be very damaging to the people around you. In this case, it’s essential to seek professional treatment and support for your anger.

Look out for warning signs add remove

Anger can cause a rush of adrenaline through your body, so before you recognise the emotion you’re feeling you might notice:

• your heart is beating faster
• your breathing is quicker
• your body is becoming tense
• your feet are tapping
• you’re clenching your jaw or fists

Recognising these signs gives you the chance to think about how you want to react to a situation before doing anything. This can be difficult in the heat of the moment, but the earlier you notice how you’re feeling, the easier it can be to choose how to manage your anger.

“Breathing techniques have helped me to control my anger. I know that if I take a moment to concentrate on my breathing and not my anger, I’ll have something else to focus on.”

Buy yourself time to think add remove

Sometimes when we’re feeling angry, we just need to walk away from the situation for a while. This can give you time to work out what you’re thinking about the situation, decide how you want to react to it and feel more in control. Some ways you can buy yourself time to think are:

• Counting to 10 before you react.
• Taking yourself out of the situation by going for a short walk – even if it’s just around your block or local area.
• Talking to a trusted person who’s not connected to the situation, such as a friend, family member, counsellor or peer support group. Expressing your thoughts out loud can help you understand why you’re angry and help calm you down. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone you know, you can confidentially call the Samaritans 24 hours a day to talk about anything that’s upsetting you. (For other organisations that can help please see our useful contacts page.)

“What helps me is getting away from the situation to cool down.”

Try some techniques to manage your feelings add remove

There are many ways to calm down and let go of angry feelings, depending on what suits you and what’s convenient at the time you are angry.

• Breathe slowly – try to breathe out for longer than you breathe in and focus on each breath as you take it.
• Relax your body – if you can feel your body getting tense, try focusing on each part of your body in turn to tense and then relax your muscles. See our pages on relaxation for more tips on how to relax.
• Try mindfulness techniques – mindfulness can help you to be aware of when you’re getting angry and can help calm your body and mind down. See our pages on mindfulness to learn more.
• Exercise – try to work off your anger through exercise. Sports like running or boxing can be really helpful for releasing pent up energy.
• Use up your energy safely in other ways – this can help relieve some of your angry feelings in a way that doesn’t hurt yourself or others. For example, you could try tearing up a newspaper, hitting a pillow or smashing ice cubes in a sink.
• Do something to distract yourself mentally or physically – anything that completely changes your situation, thoughts or patterns can help stop your anger escalating. For example, you could try:
  • putting on upbeat music and dancing
  • doing something with your hands, like fixing something or making something
  • doing something creative like colouring or drawing
  • writing in a journal
  • taking a cold shower

Amy Morin, LCSW, is a psychotherapist, international bestselling author and host of the Mentally Strong People podcast.

Tetra Images / Getty Images

Whether they throw their smartphone against the wall when they’re frustrated that an app won’t work, or they yell and swear when they don’t get their way, teens who can’t manage their anger are bound to have serious problems. While some lash out verbally, others may become physically aggressive. If they don’t learn how to manage their anger, they’ll have difficulty at school, in relationships, and in their careers.

Although anger is a normal, healthy emotion, it’s important to know how to deal with it. Knowing how to cope with anger and how to express it in a socially appropriate manner are important skills for teens to learn. Here are eight concepts and strategies that can help teach teens anger management skills.

Anger Expectations

Every family has different expectations about how anger should be handled. Some families have very little tolerance for yelling while in other families, yelling is a normal means of communicating.

Create rules about what constitutes acceptable behavior and explain what behaviors will not be tolerated.   Don’t allow name-calling, physical violence, or threats in your home. Establish clear consequences for breaking the rules.

Anger vs. Aggression

Teach your teen the difference between angry feelings and aggressive behavior.   Angry feelings are completely acceptable. Aggressive behavior, however, is not OK. Make it clear that it’s never OK to throw things, slam doors, or deliberately break objects.

Teens need to know that aggressive behavior—even if it is only verbal aggression—can have serious ramifications. Making threatening comments over social media, for example, could lead to legal consequences.   Discuss the potential academic, social, and legal consequences of aggressive and violent behavior.

Assertiveness Skills

Sometimes, aggressive behavior and anger issues stem from a lack of assertiveness. Teach teens how to stand up for themselves in an appropriate manner.

Talk about the importance of speaking up without violating anyone else’s rights. Role-play specific issues with your teen, such as what to do if someone cuts in front of them in line or how to respond if they feel they are being taken advantage of by someone else.

Physical Signs of Anger

Teens often fail to recognize when their anger is on the rise. They allow themselves to grow so angry that they can’t help but lash out. Ask your teen, “How does your body feel when you’re getting angry?” Teach them to recognize physiological warning signs of anger, like a rapid heartbeat, clenched fists, or flushed face.

Encourage them to take action when they notice their anger is on the rise. That may mean taking a break, taking a few deep breaths, or counting to 10 in their mind.

Self-Directed Time-Outs

Similarly, teach teens to put themselves in time-out when they are struggling with anger. Give them a quick break to gather their thoughts in a private space, or encourage them to end a conversation with a friend if it is getting heated.

Create time-out guidelines.   For example, agree that if anyone in the house is getting too angry to continue a discussion, you’ll take a 15-minute break before continuing the conversation.

If your teen chooses to take a time-out, don’t follow them or insist on continuing the conversation while they are still upset.   Instead, agree to revisit the conversation after a brief cool-down period.

Acceptable Coping Skills

Teens need to know socially appropriate ways to deal with angry feelings.   Teens who lack coping skills are more likely to become verbally or physically aggressive.

Help your teen identify coping skills to deal with uncomfortable emotions, such as disappointment and frustration. While drawing may help one teen calm down, another teen may benefit from going for a walk. Work with your teen on identifying specific coping strategies that help diffuse anger.  

Problem-Solving Skills

Teens who lack problem-solving skills may resort to aggression to get their needs met. Teach your teen basic problem-solving skills.  

Whether they are struggling with a school project or trying to resolve an issue with a friend, encourage them to identify three potential solutions. Then, they can review the pros and cons of each before choosing the one they think will work best.

This can help your teen see that there are many ways to solve a problem without lashing out. Over time, they will grow more confident in their ability to successfully solve problems.

Role Modeling

You’ll teach your teen more about handling anger with your behavior than your words. If you yell, swear, and break things, don’t expect your teen to control their anger. Role model appropriate ways to deal with angry feelings.

Show your child how to talk about angry feelings and how to express those feelings appropriately. For example, say, “I’m really angry that you didn’t clean your room like I asked you to. I’m going to go take a break for a few minutes and then we’re going to talk about your consequence.”