Here are 7 things to do when you’re being criticized.
Posted Sep 24, 2017
When it comes to criticism, it is surely better to give than to receive. No one enjoys being criticized, and we’re bound to respond badly to it. We’re all wired for defensiveness; it’s normal and almost universal response to criticism, but it’s also the archenemy of intimacy and connection. Our personal power rests on our dialing it down.
Following these 7 steps can help you keep your response from escalating, and turn your relationships around, but each requires motivation, goodwill, and practice.
1. Recognize your defensiveness.
We listen defensively when we listen for what we don’t agree with. Under fire? Catch yourself when you see that you are focusing only on the inaccuracies, distortions, and exaggerations that will inevitably be there.
2. Breathe.
Defensiveness starts in the body. It makes us tense and on guard, unable to listen and take in new information. Take slow, deep breaths, and do what you can to calm yourself.
3. Listen only to understand.
Listen only to discover what you can agree with. Do not interrupt, argue, refute, or correct facts, or bring up your own criticisms and complaints. If your points are legitimate, that’s all the more reason to save them for a different time, when they can be a focus of the conversation and not a defense strategy.
3. Apologize for your part.
The ability to apologize indicates to the critical party that you’re capable of taking responsibility, not just evading it. It will also help shift the exchange out of combat mode and into collaboration. Save your thoughts about their part until later.
4. Let the critical or angry person know that you will continue to think about the conversation.
Even if nothing has been resolved, tell the other person that you take his or her thoughts and feelings seriously: “It’s not easy to hear what you’re telling me, but I want you to know that I’m going to give it a lot of thought.”
5. Don’t listen when you can’t.
It’s fine to tell the other person that you want to have the conversation and that you recognize its importance, but you can’t have it right now: “I’m too tired and preoccupied to really listen.” Offer a specific time to re-open the conversation, so that you can give it your best attention.
6. Speak your own truths.
You need to tell the critical person how you see things differently. It won’t help your relationship to get into the pattern of being an overly accommodating, peace-at-any-price type of individual who avoids conflict at any cost. Still, timing and tact are everything. It’s usually best to save your different point of view for a future conversation, when you’ll have a better chance of being heard. Remember that even the most difficult things can be said with kindness.
7. Draw the line at insults.
There may be a time to sit through an initial blast, but not if rudeness has become a pattern in your relationship, rather than an uncommon occurrence. Exit from rudeness, while offering the possibility of another conversation: “I want to hear what bothers you, but I need you to approach me with respect.”
In Why Won’t You Apologize?, I explain how wholehearted listening is at the heart of the good apology — and essential for repairing big betrayals and everyday hurts. Wholehearted listening is also at the heart of relationship success, at home and at work. We’re generally more interested in sharpening our talking skills rather than our listening skills. But here’s what four decades of studying relationships has taught me: How we listen is the defining factor in how our relationships go, and whether the other person is happy to see us at the end of the day.
The world is not kind to modern self-esteem. It only takes one ill-received piece of feedback at work or sassy comment on an IG post to completely derail your day.
It can take a lot of time and energy to convince yourself that you’re awesome — so how do we avoid letting people infiltrate that awesomeness with a flying knee to your self-worth? And how do we use it to get better?
In these situations, your initial reaction may take inspiration from Theodore Roosevelt’s famous “Man in the Arena” speech, a lesson on ignoring naysayers, around which optimists from LeBron James to Miley Cyrus rally. And who doesn’t want to be more like Miley?
Being alive in 2020 means getting hit by wave after wave of criticism, both online and off — as anyone who has ever left themselves at the mercy of a YouTube comments section or a Twitter pile-on will be able to testify.
However, naysayers are essential. Both personal and professional success depend on being able to take criticism in your stride. The ability to hear and truly listen to people’s opinions, even when they’re negative, improves relationships, academic performance, and negotiating abilities.
Plus, if you can learn to put aside your ego and use even harsh criticism to get better, you’ll have a powerful tool that can propel you forward personally and professionally.
In this article, we give you the low-down on how to handle what others have to say without wanting to hide in a corner or knock someone out.
Criticism is a term for judgment or evaluation, good or bad. It pops up everywhere. We’ve all had to save someone from wearing Crocs on vacation or texting that ex while intoxicated. Or, maybe we were the ones committing a fashion faux pas.
Any time someone gives you criticism, they’re evaluating you against specific standards, whether it’s their own or those of an organization, such as a place of work. Many students and employees associate the word “criticism” exclusively with negative feedback, which is not the case.
There are lots of reasons people offer criticism.
Negative motivations for criticism might include feeling jealous or insecure in a romantic or family relationship, such as a father criticizing his kids for never calling home. Others may criticize you out of sheer resentment — ever been on social media? Yeah, that.
But not all criticism is bad news, bears. If you have any rapper friends relentlessly playing their dreadful mixtape at people, you’ll be well aware that letting them know that their vocab is limited or their choice of beats ill-advised are the first steps to sparing them from future embarrassment.
And while the word “criticism” may see more frequent use when discussing negative evaluations, not all criticism comes with bad intentions — even when it highlights mistakes and failures. That’s because people give certain kinds of criticism to help. This is known as constructive criticism.
A 2018 research article evaluated constructive criticism models using focus group interviews with undergraduate students.
This process identified three important requirements for negative feedback to be constructive: Fong CJ, et al. (2018). When feedback signals failure but offers hope for improvement: A process model of constructive criticism. DOI: 10.1016/j.tsc.2018.02.014
- It’s compassionate: People should give criticism in a way that indicates care for the recipient, and it should come from someone the recipient respects.
- It’s specific: Criticism should target the appropriate elements of the recipient’s performance and offer specific guidance for improvement.
- It’s a match: Criticism should align with the recipient’s emotions and motivation.
You can use this list as a way to determine if a critic is trying to help or harm you.
In organizations where leaders don’t understand effective criticism, employees may feel like their guts are in a twist before approaching the boss’s office. And coaches who criticize without positive intent end up doing things like throwing basketballs at the young adults they’re supposed to be mentoring.
A 2017 research study showed that people who received “destructive criticism” at work reported higher perceived levels of workplace stress. Tao L, et al. (2017). An experimental study on the effect of constructive criticism and destructive criticism on individual psychological health.
Surprise, surprise, telling everyone they’re crap all the time doesn’t work wonders for them.
Knowing which type is coming your way can help you make better use of criticism. And it can save you from coming across like an asshole in the face of well-intentioned, constructive feedback, as well as protecting you from self-serving pedantry.
Putting yourself out there can be intimidating. After all, what will people say? No one likes to be told they’ve done something wrong, but in order to grow, it’s important to push past the fear of negative feedback and take action anyway. Criticism is something that comes along with the job…and it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. You have the power to do something great with it, and inspire those around you to do the same.
I have clients that come to me with self-imposed limiting beliefs all the time. They’re afraid to take action, to take on more responsibility, to start their own business, to make a career switch . Oftentimes they’re worried that they aren’t good enough , and that they will be perceived in a negative light. As a career coach, I help them see that these fears are only holding them back from pursuing greatness. It’s OK for someone to give feedback – positive or negative; you may be all the better for it.
Here are four tips for handling criticism at work. Implement these the next time someone comes to you with feedback, and start to chip away at those fears inside your head.
1. Listen and keep an open mind. Actively listen to the feedback and check your ego at the door. Assume the intentions of the other person are good, and hear them out. Take a deep breath if you need to; it’ll calm you down. Usually, someone will come to you with the intention of helping you learn something new or improving in an area. If you’re unclear on the feedback, be sure to ask questions or reframe it back to them. This is not a time for miscommunication. It’s important that you understand it completely and receive the feedback well.
2. See what you can learn. You already know that no one is perfect, so keep that in mind and seek out personal improvement. Take some time to process the information. What can you learn from what was just delivered to you? Is there something there that will help you improve personally or professionally? Do not bury your head in the sand and assume that you’d be better off ignoring the advice. Your natural instinct is to protect yourself and run away, but remember. This is the office — not a life or death situation.
3. Don’t take it personally. Assume the other person isn’t out to harm you. If your instinct is that they are personally attacking you, take a step back and ask yourself what’s really going on. Oftentimes, what we see in another person is a reflection of something that we are afraid to see in ourselves . If it feels like the person giving you the feedback is a “know-it-all”, contemplate if you’ve ever worried that someone has that same perception of you. Notice where you feel triggered and try to identify the root cause. Did something happen in the past that is bringing up these negative emotions.
Note: If it turns out that the person is being overly negative, aggressive, or really is personally attacking you, be sure to remove yourself from the situation ASAP. This is unprofessional, and no one should ever put up with a workplace bully. If it persists, take it up with HR or your supervisor.
4. Say thank you. Be gracious for the feedback you’ve received, no matter how tough it may have been to hear it, and thank the other person. Surprise them with your positive attitude ! Practicing gratitude is something you should already be incorporating in your daily life. Incorporating mindfulness at work can help you deal with difficult situations in a new light.
Criticism is something that everyone needs to deal with. Make it more tolerable by following the tips above. Instead of ignoring the feedback or putting up a fight, keep an open mind and see what you can learn. The way you handle feedback is a direct path to how your colleagues will respect and receive you moving forward. Keep it positive and show them that you are professional.
Criticism is a natural part of leadership. If no one is criticizing your leadership – you are not leading correctly. Leadership is not a popularity contest. Leadership is about always doing what is in the best interest of the organization you are serving. Leaders get paid to make the difficult decisions. But many leaders don’t really know how to lead; they waste time trying to satisfy the agendas of others – rather than focusing on the goals and objectives of the organization and people they serve.
This is why leadership is in crisis management mode. Authority is being over leveraged as a personal benefit to advance hidden agendas, rather than as a privilege and a responsibility to wield influence over adverse circumstances and turn them into opportunities. But the latter takes hard work and strategic focus.
Leadership requires mental toughness. If you are not being criticized, you are not leading and guiding the organization to grow, innovate and explore endless possibilities. You need to be strong and objective to whatever criticism people throw your way.
Much of what ultimately happens is out of your direct control. However, if you can see what others don’t and anticipate the unexpected — as a leader you will find ways to influence outcomes that benefit those you serve. Effective leaders stay focused on confronting conflict head on – and move on to the next opportunity. When you get too personally vested, it becomes difficult to handle criticism and you eventually become stereotyped and your authority weakens. You lose momentum as you begin to make poor decisions trying to reestablish and validate your leadership to yourself and others.
As you find success in your leadership journey, some people will try to take you down. The leaches and loafers that are envious of your success may attempt to slow down your momentum. This is actually a sign that you are on the right path. Being a 21 st century leader requires you to be a change agent and people don’t like to change — especially old-school leaders now focused on retirement or anyone else that has grown complacent and lost their momentum.
Everyone wants to experience success. Unfortunately, momentum is disrupted by those who want the individual credit; the recognition that benefits them comes at the expense of earning the respect that reverberates and multiples throughout the organization for the betterment of a healthier whole.
As you lean-into the challenges and new opportunities that come with them, remember that criticism is a natural process of the leadership journey. Since criticism is never easy to handle, keep the following four ways in mind to ensure you handle it wisely.
1. Don’t Play The Victim
When criticism strikes, never take on a “woe’s me” attitude. People find it difficult to respect a leader who becomes the victim. The victimization mentality is not a leadership trait, but rather represents an individual that lacks the mental fortitude and composure to be in a leadership role. When leaders play to the victim narrative, it exposes their lack of maturity and doubt rapidly begins to enter the minds of those they lead about their ability to endure the pressure, intensity and uncertainty.
Rather than play the victim, own the criticism and convert it into new opportunities previously unseen. Be a change agent and turn the negativity into a platform to enable growth, innovation and endless possibilities.
2. Don’t React Impulsively
When faced with criticism, step back and assess the situation. Be patient, don’t react impulsively. Too many leaders get defensive, focus more on their reputation and overreact, rather than evaluate the situation at hand.
Adversity my make or break you, but it primarily reveals you. Leaders must practice patience when faced with criticism and show a high level of composure and executive presence. Criticism comes and goes. How well you lead through it is what earns you respect from your peers.
3. Don’t Take It Personally
I’ve been advised by my mentors not to care so much what people say. This does not imply that I shouldn’t work hard or perform at my highest levels – it refers to the importance of not taking criticism personally. As a leader, you must be mindful not to get overly attached to the business and the issues at hand. When you take criticism too personally, it becomes more difficult to be objective towards meeting the needs of the business and the people you lead.
Leadership is not easy and handling criticism is an unwritten rule in the job description. It happens often and if you lead to win, advance others and the organization you serve – you should expect criticism and know how to handle it. Those leaders that take it personally will find their leadership role short lived.
4. Turn Criticism Into Opportunity
Criticism is another way of saying “learning moments.” Though you can never be perfect when leading, you must be open-minded enough to course correct along the way. Leadership requires you to pivot, renew and reinvent yourself. Though you may have experienced success in the past, leadership requires you to invest in yourself so that you can become a better, faster and more fluid change agent.
Great leaders and their organizations are often criticized. As the saying goes, “It’s difficult to get to the top, but even harder to stay there.” Why is it harder to stay on top? Because it’s easy to grow complacent – and it’s difficult to endure the critics that don’t believe you’ve earned the right to be there in the first place. Staying focused is critical when you are a leader and diffusing the noise by staying focused on the next level of evolution in your business will help you shut down your critics.
One of the most important qualities of leadership is being a good listener. And that applies just as much, if not more, when you are being criticized. Don’t try to shut it down. In fact, turn up the volume and really listen to what is being said. Too many times leaders turn the criticism around on the person speaking up, instead of seeing it as an opportunity to learn from someone else. Listening to criticism is a leadership responsibility that does not appear in the job description, but it can make you a more effective and trustworthy leader if you handle it constructively.
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The world is not kind to modern self-esteem. It only takes one ill-received piece of feedback at work or sassy comment on an IG post to completely derail your day.
It can take a lot of time and energy to convince yourself that you’re awesome — so how do we avoid letting people infiltrate that awesomeness with a flying knee to your self-worth? And how do we use it to get better?
In these situations, your initial reaction may take inspiration from Theodore Roosevelt’s famous “Man in the Arena” speech, a lesson on ignoring naysayers, around which optimists from LeBron James to Miley Cyrus rally. And who doesn’t want to be more like Miley?
Being alive in 2020 means getting hit by wave after wave of criticism, both online and off — as anyone who has ever left themselves at the mercy of a YouTube comments section or a Twitter pile-on will be able to testify.
However, naysayers are essential. Both personal and professional success depend on being able to take criticism in your stride. The ability to hear and truly listen to people’s opinions, even when they’re negative, improves relationships, academic performance, and negotiating abilities.
Plus, if you can learn to put aside your ego and use even harsh criticism to get better, you’ll have a powerful tool that can propel you forward personally and professionally.
In this article, we give you the low-down on how to handle what others have to say without wanting to hide in a corner or knock someone out.
Criticism is a term for judgment or evaluation, good or bad. It pops up everywhere. We’ve all had to save someone from wearing Crocs on vacation or texting that ex while intoxicated. Or, maybe we were the ones committing a fashion faux pas.
Any time someone gives you criticism, they’re evaluating you against specific standards, whether it’s their own or those of an organization, such as a place of work. Many students and employees associate the word “criticism” exclusively with negative feedback, which is not the case.
There are lots of reasons people offer criticism.
Negative motivations for criticism might include feeling jealous or insecure in a romantic or family relationship, such as a father criticizing his kids for never calling home. Others may criticize you out of sheer resentment — ever been on social media? Yeah, that.
But not all criticism is bad news, bears. If you have any rapper friends relentlessly playing their dreadful mixtape at people, you’ll be well aware that letting them know that their vocab is limited or their choice of beats ill-advised are the first steps to sparing them from future embarrassment.
And while the word “criticism” may see more frequent use when discussing negative evaluations, not all criticism comes with bad intentions — even when it highlights mistakes and failures. That’s because people give certain kinds of criticism to help. This is known as constructive criticism.
A 2018 research article evaluated constructive criticism models using focus group interviews with undergraduate students.
This process identified three important requirements for negative feedback to be constructive: Fong CJ, et al. (2018). When feedback signals failure but offers hope for improvement: A process model of constructive criticism. DOI: 10.1016/j.tsc.2018.02.014
- It’s compassionate: People should give criticism in a way that indicates care for the recipient, and it should come from someone the recipient respects.
- It’s specific: Criticism should target the appropriate elements of the recipient’s performance and offer specific guidance for improvement.
- It’s a match: Criticism should align with the recipient’s emotions and motivation.
You can use this list as a way to determine if a critic is trying to help or harm you.
In organizations where leaders don’t understand effective criticism, employees may feel like their guts are in a twist before approaching the boss’s office. And coaches who criticize without positive intent end up doing things like throwing basketballs at the young adults they’re supposed to be mentoring.
A 2017 research study showed that people who received “destructive criticism” at work reported higher perceived levels of workplace stress. Tao L, et al. (2017). An experimental study on the effect of constructive criticism and destructive criticism on individual psychological health.
Surprise, surprise, telling everyone they’re crap all the time doesn’t work wonders for them.
Knowing which type is coming your way can help you make better use of criticism. And it can save you from coming across like an asshole in the face of well-intentioned, constructive feedback, as well as protecting you from self-serving pedantry.
Dealing with criticism positively is an important life skill.
At some point in your life you will be criticised, perhaps in a professional way. Sometimes it will be difficult to accept – but that all depends on your reaction.В
You can either use criticism in a positive way to improve, or in a negative way that can lower your self-esteem and cause stress, anger or even aggression.
To deal with criticism positively may require good self-esteem and some assertiveness skills, you may find our pages: Improving Self-Esteem and Assertiveness useful.
There are two types of criticism – constructive and destructive – learning to recognise the difference between the two can help you deal with any criticism you may receive.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.
Dale Carnegie – How to Win Friends and Influence People
When challenged by another person, it is common to react in a negative manner. Consider how negative reactions make you look – and more importantly how they make you feel.  The way in which you choose to handle criticism has a knock-on effect in various aspects of your life, therefore it is better to identify ways in which you can benefit from criticism and use it to your advantage to be a stronger and more able person.
Constructive and Destructive Criticism
The difference between constructive criticism and destructive criticism is the way in which comments are delivered.
Although both forms are challenging your ideas, character or ability, when someone is giving destructive criticism it can hurt your pride and have negative effects on your self-esteem and confidence. В Destructive criticism is often just thoughtlessness by another person, but it can also be deliberately malicious and hurtful.В Destructive criticism can, in some cases, lead to anger and/or aggression.
Constructive criticism, on the other hand, is designed to point out your mistakes, but also show you where and how improvements can be made. Constructive criticism should be viewed as useful feedback that can help you improve yourself rather than put you down.
When criticism is constructive it is usually easier to accept, even if it still hurts a little. В In either scenario always try to remember that you can use criticism to your advantage.
A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful.
Dealing with Critical People
Some individuals are critical by nature and do not always realise that they are hurting the feelings of another person.
If you know a person who is critical of everything try not to take their comments too seriously, as this is just part of their character trait. If you do take negative comments to heart it can create resentment and anger towards the other person, which could damage the relationship.
Remember, people who criticise everything or make scathing remarks to be hurtful are the ones that need help – not you!
How you physically react to criticism will depend on the nature of the criticism, where you are and who the criticism is coming from.
The key thing to remember is that whatever the circumstance is, don´t respond in anger as this will cause a scene and create bad feelings – and possibly a bad image of you.
Try to remain calm and treat the other person with respect and understanding. This will help to defuse the situation and potentially stop it from getting out of hand.В Show that you are the stronger person and try not to rise to the bait, do not use it as a reason to offer counter criticism.В В If you challenge the other person you may start an argument that is probably unnecessary.
If you find it difficult to cope with criticism you may find our page: Anger Management helpful.
If you do feel that you may lose self-control, or say or do something potentially damaging, walk away. If you are in a meeting at work, politely excuse yourself and leave the room until you have had time to gather yourself. В Even though somebodyВґs negative remarks may hurt, it is more harmful for you to allow their criticism to be destructive to your confidence.
Taking the Positives Out of Criticism
We all make mistakes all the time, it is human nature.В As we go through life we have plenty of opportunity to learn and improve ourselves. Therefore, no matter what kind of criticism is aimed at you, analyse it to find something you can learn from it. В In material matters at work, school or social clubs for example, try to take criticism on board to help you improve. В When somebody is attacking your character it is hard to accept, but that does not mean you should ignore it.
Also bear in mind that the criticism aimed at you may not make sense at the time. Generally speaking, there is usually some truth in criticism, even when it appears to be given out of spite and bitterness. В It is often the case that a slight on your character is a fair reflection of how another person sees you at that point in time.В Take a step back and try to see things from the other person’s point of view, perhaps ask a friend for their honest opinion – use criticism wisely and as a learning experience.В See if it is possible to learn a little about how others perceive you, you may be able to use criticism to improve your interpersonal skills.
We all learn by making mistakes, and learning how to deal with criticism positively is one way that we can improve our interpersonal relationships with others.
Further Reading from Skills You Need
Learn more about how to effectively resolve conflict and mediate personal relationships at home, at work and socially.
Our eBooks are ideal for anyone who wants to learn about or develop their interpersonal skills and are full of easy-to-follow, practical information.
How to deal with constant criticism;
We all face criticism no matter which stage of life we are in. But we can’t deny the fact that criticism is not always bad, it can be constructive too. When someone gives you a well-reasoned and rational opinion about your work that may include both positive and negative comments to help you upgrade the areas that need improvement, it is called constructive criticism. It is like providing you with an opportunity to take steps towards betterment. The purpose of criticism is not to belittle you, it’s to let you consider those aspects, that you overlooked or didn’t consider.
But if someone is unnecessarily criticizing you for some personal reasons or out of jealousy that is not acceptable. In practical life, you have to face both situations. Here, not everyone is your enemy, but not everyone wants to help you improve yourself or your work. So, you should know how to deal with both situations positively.
Read these simple and tested tips to get a better idea about how to deal with constant criticism, whether it’s constructive or destructive.
1. Accept it with an open mind
As I have mentioned at the start of this article that criticism is not wholly bad or negative. It can be constructive too. It can be from a person who wants you to improve where it is required. First, without jumping to conclusions that this critic is trying to put you down, receive it with an open mind. See where it is coming from. What are the intentions of the person?
Feedback from a mentor or teacher is always for our progress. So, if your mentor identifies some faults in your work, be humble enough to take it positively. He is neither jealous of you, nor is he trying to humiliate you, his intention is just to let you know the areas that need improvement.
2. Thank them
Instead of getting angry when someone points out your mistakes, you should be thankful to your critics that they are taking out time to make you aware of your mistakes, so you would be able to improve. Critics are our hidden well-wishers. People who give you effective constructive criticism are those who want you to grow. Say, ‘thank you for taking out time to make me aware of my mistake, I’ll surely look into it’.
3. Work on the areas that need improvement
It is not just about how you handle the situation but what you do after the criticism to improve. If you received it gracefully but didn’t work on your weak areas, then you are not going to improve because you learned nothing from it, and there you destroyed the whole purpose of criticism.
4. Stop over-explaining and justifying
Get yourself out of I am always right, I can do no wrong mindset. Nobody is perfect. We all need improvement. During constructive criticism, if you deny the person or give him unnecessary excuses to defend yourself, then he won’t be able to deliver his message properly. Accept it, without being defensive. Mature and emotionally strong people stay quiet when receiving rational feedback.
5. Don’t lose your confidence
Just because someone criticized your write-up does not mean you will never write something again. Just because you faced criticism on wearing your favorite color or dress does not mean you will stop wearing it. Just because someone said you are bad at something does not mean you will stop doing it. Criticism is a person’s way of observing things, and it is just their perspective. Don’t let someone’s criticism make you think less of yourself. Remember, we are all in a learning process that never stops.
A mature person always tries to take lessons and learn from mistakes. Today I made this mistake, now I will not repeat it. Always ask people to let you know about your work if you want to achieve something in life. Their responses help us to grow. Always welcome it with an open mind.
Does your day gets derailed by a sassy comment or ill-received piece of feedback? If so, you’re not alone; many are affected by criticism. The world is against self-esteem, and it will take a lot of energy and time to convince yourself that you’re an amazing person.
Criticism refers to good and lousy evaluation or judgment that is based on specific standards. It affects our values.
However, you can refrain naysayers from infiltrating your awesomeness with their comments. You can also use criticism to get better. Your professional and personal success depends on your strength to take criticism both online and offline.
Continue reading the article for more information on how you can handle criticism without injuring your self-esteem.
1. Evaluate the Critic’s Intention Honestly
No one is perfect; thus, listen to the negative feedback objectively. Thinking about your strengths and weaknesses could help you to approach criticism with an open mind to be able to understand the difference. For instance, someone may tell you to sip your tea quietly or go back to your desk. That comment may seem confrontational at first. However, if you evaluate it positively, you will realize that the individual could be dealing with their personal issues. That means that they are not against you as an individual.
2. Assess if the Feedback provided is Constructive or Destructive
There are several factors that you need to consider before making any decision. Is the person giving feedback known to care about you, referring to an area you should work on, or providing guidance on how you can go about it?
On the other hand, a person with authority may criticize your work and follow it with a self-aggrandizing or demeaning language. Such an individual is dragging you into an endless power trip.
Therefore, react based on the intention of the criticism and after taking stock of those who love you. View their comment as a dialogue and if you don’t like it let them know how you feel about it,
3. Show Gratitude to those who Offer Constructive Criticism
Thank every person who offers you meaningful feedback, for they want you to succeed. Although it may hurt to know what you did wrong, understand their motives, and thank them.
4. Control Your Emotions when Handling Constructive Criticism
Refrain from exploding when you receive criticism even when it’s evidently mean-spirited for two wrongs don’t make a right. Thus you shouldn’t react angrily to the feedback for you will regret later.
On the other hand, don’t allow others to injure your self-esteem. So seek clarification, and you will notice that most of the comments that were ill-intended will shatter like rocks under scrutiny. Therefore, it’s always important to set your emotions aside and take a breath before responding.
5. Apologize for Your Weakness
An apology is a clear indication that you can take responsibility and not that you’re evading it. It also changes the situation from a combat mode to collaboration. Further, it delays the critic’s thought to a latter day or time.
6. Consider the Suggestions not the Tone of the Feedback
Understand that some people may have valuable critical suggestions, but their tone and style of speaking may hamper the way you receive it. For those reasons, it better to respond to the feedback and not their confrontational manner. Therefore, detach the two items and focus on the useful suggestions.
7. Avoid Taking the Criticism Personal
People tend to feel personally offended when they receive criticism. They perceive it as an attack on their real self. It’s important to realize that you also criticize other people’s jealousy or pride, which is merely passing emotion but not the real person.
8. Smile
Wear a smile even if it’s a false one, for this will help you to relax. A smile will create a positive feeling and lighten the situation. Thus, a smile helps you psychologically and motivate the critic to be moderate in their approach.
9. Act on the Positive Feedback
Make plans to work on the areas that were highlighted in the feedback. It’s important to realize that most critics have some bits of truth. Thus, even if it’s negative, ensure that you have learnt from these comments. These are cheat codes of self-improvements, and you should keep a record of them and implement them.
10. Silence the Critic
You may need to silence the critics once in a while by telling them that you understand that you haven’t lived up to their expectations, but you will do better next time.
You can ask them to give you actionable points in their next comments. The phrase will help them to manage the way they offer feedback next time.
11. Let them Know that You can’t Listen now
Don’t feel guilty about withdrawing from a conversation when you’re preoccupied with listening. Let the person know that you appreciate having the discussion, but not now. Then go ahead and suggest the appropriate time to continue with the conversation. The step will allow them to reconsider or weigh their criticism and make it more meaningful.
12. Speak Your Side of Story
Tell the critic how you feel about the issue at hand. It’s essential to maintain peace with people; however, being overly accommodating to avoid conflict at cost is not the only way out. You can use tact and appropriate timing to speak up your mind. Thus, speak up when you get a chance of being heard for even difficult things can be voiced with kindness.
13. Be Compassionate to Yourself
Be kind to yourself whenever you receive destructive feedback. Give yourself positive self-talk and a treat. Tell yourself that the criticism hurts, but the thoughts doesn’t define you.
14. Allow Your Feeling
At times feeling hurt or angry is inevitable, and burying your feeling is not helpful. Therefore, speak up or write your feelings; however, let them out creatively and move on.
15. Reduce Your Interactions with Harmful People
The world has different kinds of people, and some thrive off weighing others down. You may cut off interactions with people with a pattern of offering negative criticism. It’s the right time to build your identity by cutting links with such persons.
Bottom Line
You will encounter constructive and destructive feedback from your family, friends, and colleagues, among others. However, you can handle criticism successfully by establishing its intent, responding calmly, acting of the feedback, and cutting ties with negative individuals.
Therefore, it’s essential to learn how to address and filter criticism to live a happier life.
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Focusing on specifics is one of the best ways to give constructive feedback. / Net photo.
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Making any form of criticism is easier said than done. However, anyone who hopes for success in their work and careers has to learn how to accept criticism.
Criticism that is constructive is helpful in a way that it gives feedback that provides explicit and attainable suggestions, experts say.
In fact, learning how to accept constructive criticism has the ability to help a person retain professional relationships and also grow successful in what they do.
Mathias Nkeeto an educator says constructive criticism is vital because it helps the recipient improve and ensure that mistakes do not happen again.
“Criticism at the workplace does stimulate professional and personal growth; that is if you know how to deal with it effectively,” he says.
When it comes to taking criticism, experts urge that it’s important for one to stay relaxed other than appear defensive.
Also, Nkeeto says it’s fundamental to keep your emotions under control, which in the end will enable you to listen better. And if possible, one can take some deep breaths and keep their body language open, he says.
Besides, it’s essential to engage in with good listening skills without any interruptions.
When criticised, Kevin Shema, an entrepreneur and a supervisor says it’s vital to keep an open mind since your superior/colleagues may have good reasons for giving you such criticism.
Besides that, he says they also might have valuable suggestions for areas where you can improve. For that, you should lay respect for their point of view, Shema says.
“When you are patient with this kind of criticism, you are able to be receptive to new ideas and alternative approaches thus helping you learn something that can make your job easier,” he adds.
Additionally, Shema points out that when responding to criticism, it’s vital to ask questions which will show that one is really listening.
“It’s as well essential to make sure that you lean towards a productive discussion at the end and try to minimise as much as possible unnecessary arguments.”
Nkeeto notes that focusing on the message being given to you, so that you can distinguish between the content of the message and the manner of delivery is important as far as taking positive criticism is concerned.
There is also a need to conduct a self-appraisal, whereby this can be done by regularly evaluating your own work. This, he says, will give you a stronger foundation for reflecting on your superiors’ and colleagues’ remarks.
Delivering constructive criticism
Establish trust; it is important to establish an open, trusting relationship with the team or colleagues. Trust is the baseline that will help the set tone of your future conversation, and help you deliver feedback and help them accept it and put suggestions into use.
Balance the positive and the negative; giving constructive criticism on whether the feedback is positive or negative is important to make sure you’re presenting a balanced perspective.
Observe, don’t interpret; don’t assign meaning or intent to someone. Observe, and give them the opportunity to explain their perspective.
Be specific; focusing on specifics is one of the best ways to give constructive feedback.
Don’t make it personal; when giving constructive criticism, it is important to remember to distinguish a person from their actions. Focus on the issue at hand, whether it’s a pattern or performance on a specific project, without making broader claims about who they are.
Provide feedback consistently; make your feedback have the impact it deserves by the manner and approach you use to provide performance feedback. Feedback can make a difference to avoid provoking a defence response.
Be timely; don’t let days or week pass by before you give someone feedback on their work, especially when it comes to a specific project.
